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Band 3.5

These days, many people rely on traditional medicines instead of visiting their doctors. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #medicines #doctors #development
Today’s
Change preposition
In today’s
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 era, a number of
people
 still believe
and
Change preposition
in and
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 turn to traditional
medicine
. In my opinion,
this
 is
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 development which can lead to lack of
lack of
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apply
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vegulation
Correct your spelling
regulation
 in
health
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the health
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 system and
difficult
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difficulty
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to get
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in getting
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 some traditional
medicine
 and its
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
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. One serious problem that can arise from
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relying
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rely
Add the preposition
rely on
rely upon
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 traditional
medicine
 is that it can lead to
possibility
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the possibility
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to be
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of being
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 infected again with the same disease.
In other words
, since there is no medical insurance the probability of getting the disease again is 100%,
for instance
, bone fractures, using physical therapy to treat
this
 leads to getting infected again because they do not heal completely.
furthermore
, There is no full responsibility in traditional
treatment
 when the injury returns again, as in modern medical
treatment
 which puts the lives of
people
 who use traditional medicines at risk. Another issue is that difficult to get some traditional
medicine
 and its risk. To put it simply,With the advancement of
medicine
,
people
 are no longer interested in natural remedies, which has led to their disappearance more quickly.Thousands of years ago,
people
 would travel long distances to search for rare plants,
for example
,
whereas
 now it has become easier to get
treatment
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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medical development,
so
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apply
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We conclude from
this
 that searching for traditional
treatment
 is risky and that the difficulty of obtaining it is greater than the benefit of using it. In conclusion,
although
Change preposition
despite
show examples
 the development in medical
treatment
, some
people
 still use traditional
treatment
 without considering its negatives and harms.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and states your viewpoint in a concise manner.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay follows a clear structure, with each paragraph addressing a single main point.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition in your writing to maintain clarity and fluidity.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points and add depth to your essay.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are clearly presented and comprehensively developed. Expand on each point adequately.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and a clear stance on the issue.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay and reiterates the viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure and includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the one about physical therapy and bone fractures, adds relevance to your arguments.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Natural remedies
  • Cost-effective
  • Medical skepticism
  • Adverse side effects
  • Pharmaceutical companies
  • Accessibility
  • Rural regions
  • Anecdotal success stories
  • Holistic approach
  • Treat the root cause
  • Conventional medicine
  • Traditional practices
  • Economic factors
  • Trust and belief systems
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