Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
We live in an age where some children spend
hours
every day on their smartphones. I whole heartedly
believe that Correct your spelling
wholeheartedly
this
trend should be changed. I will discuss this
view with arguments in the essay below.
To begin
with, spending hours
on smartphones has negative
impact on students studies. They spent most of their time making Add an article
a negative
tik tok
, watching reels, Correct your spelling
TikTok
youtube
etc. Because of Correct your spelling
YouTube
this
, their sleeping schedule disturbed
and they cannot pay heed to lectures in Add a missing verb
is disturbed
Add an article
the class
a class
class room
. Correct your spelling
classroom
However
, they did not spend much of their time in physical activities such
as playing football, cricket, basketball etc. They lose their creativity.
Secondly
, this
habit can badly affect their health. According to
research, spending hours
on mobile without taking rest
can make any Correct article usage
a rest
peron
eyesight weak. Correct your spelling
person
Moreover
, today's teenagers is
playing ludo, Change the verb form
are
chess
on mobile with their friends rather than playing in real time. These Correct word choice
and chess
activites
can make children mentally ill. They do not Correct your spelling
activities
developed
communication skills and become socially distant mediums.
Change the verb form
develop
In contrast
, spending many hours
on their phones can affect students
learning capabilities. A rapid use of mobile Change noun form
students'
student's
increase
the chances of getting serious psychiatric issues. Fix the agreement mistake
increases
On the contrary
, it also
help
students to learn about technology and new inventions and what is going on social media.
To elucidate, Change the verb form
helps
an
excessive use of mobile by Remove the article
apply
youngstars
can badly affect their mental and physical health. They lose their creative abilities. In my opinion, Correct your spelling
youngsters
young stars
its
completely a negative development.Replace the word
it's
it is
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task achievement
Ensure all your main points are clearly developed and supported with specific examples. For instance, provide more detailed and specific evidence on how smartphone use can affect studies and health.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your essay. Try to ensure that each paragraph smoothly connects to the next. This can be improved by using coherent linking words and phrases, and making sure that each point logically follows from the previous one.
grammar
Pay attention to your spelling and minor grammatical errors, such as 'peron' should be 'person', and 'youngstars' should be 'youngsters'. These small mistakes can affect the readability of your essay.
structure
Your essay's structure is clear with a distinct introduction and conclusion. This is essential for good coherence and cohesion.
content
You present a balanced view by discussing both negative and potential positive aspects of children spending hours on smartphones. This shows a well-rounded approach to the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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