Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people often think that
competition
in daily, professional and school
life
is a good thing,
while
, some believe that, sometimes we should try to cooperate more rather than competing against each other. Let's have a look at both of these views and reach a concrete decision.
To begin
with,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
think challenges in workplaces and in our normal
life
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
an effective thing. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the benefits we get
are depends
Change the verb form
depend
show examples
on how much
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
we do.
For example
, if a
person
who is running a small business
consider
Correct subject-verb agreement
considers
show examples
another
person
as his competitor, and he wants to conquer him, he
put
Wrong verb form
puts
show examples
his nose to the grindstone.
On the contrary
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
think
competition
between young children is not beneficial for them. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it can fall their confidence and they might think
theirselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
as losers. So, it depends
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
which
state
Correct your spelling
stage
show examples
of
life
the
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
show examples
is necessary.
Secondly
, yes,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
agree with
this
statement that sometimes we need cooperation in comparison to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
competition
with another
person
.
However
, the reason behind
this
logic is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
every
person
has strengths and weaknesses. As an example, we consider one
person
as our competitor, because he might be good in algebra.
In contrast
, we should think that, if that particular
person
is good at that specific thing,
then
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
am
also
professional in
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
or some other things that he might be not. From my perspective, every individual is someone's ideal, so,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
completely agree with
this
view. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
think
competition
is not effective at every stage of
life
, especially in kids in schools where they need to become confident.
Similarly
, in some points of
life
, we should try to cooperate with others especially with our seniors or juniors, rather than competing with them.
Submitted by kirivlogs0 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a clearer structure. Consider making each main point a separate paragraph and use clear topic sentences to guide the reader.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to back up your arguments. This will help to illustrate your points more effectively and make them more persuasive.
general
Work on eliminating minor grammatical errors and refining your vocabulary to make your essay more polished.
task achievement
You have addressed both views as required by the task and provided your opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your arguments.
task achievement
You acknowledged both positive and negative aspects of competition, showing a balanced perspective.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: