More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Numerous
people
are becoming obese essentially. A group of
people
think the problem can be solved by raising the
price
of junk
foods
. From my point of view, I disagree with
this
solution somehow
due to
Change preposition
for
show examples
three reasons: some
people
can not afford healthy and organic
foods
, to balance the
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
situation healthy
foods
become expensive as well, and a group of
people
who have to gain
weight
become forgotten.
Therefore
, we will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the reasons
which
Correct word choice
why
show examples
I disagree with the mentioned solution from a part of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
.
Firstly
, there are humans who can not afford healthy products as their income is low.
For example
, in the US healthy
items’
Change noun form
items
show examples
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
really high.
Therefore
, they have to purchase the low-
price
ones- fattening
foods
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
included in the list -to live their life. So, they have to buy inorganic and fattening products in order to manage their income.
Secondly
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economics when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fattening items become more expensive, their ingredients have to be
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
a higher
price
as well. Those ingredients are sometimes the fundamental needs of a healthy dish.
For instance
, if
burger
Correct article usage
a burger
show examples
becomes expensive, its ingredients like tomato and meat costs a lot in the same way.
As a result
, the
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
balance makes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy
foods
expensive as well.
Thirdly
, a population requires
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
serious attention to its
weight
for their low
weight
. So, it is vital for them
have
Add the particle
to have
show examples
a consumption of junk
foods
in their nutrition plan. As an example, nutritionists’ advice is to eat
foods
which
increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
show examples
the
weight
for those who are in a serious state of health.
However
, by raising the
price
of junk
foods
, they will face
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
issues,
such
as not being capable
to manage
Change preposition
of managing
show examples
their income and savings.
As a result
, it is a must to consider the ones who
require
Wrong verb form
are required
show examples
to gain
weight
in order to be stable. To
be concluded
Wrong verb form
conclude
show examples
, considerations have to be made for humans who have to increase their
weight
.
In addition
, a population sometimes can not give the amount of money for purchasing organic products.
Also
,
due to
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
status,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy
foods
will be expensive in a row.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task and presents relevant arguments. However, try to develop your ideas further with more specific and varied examples to support your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure, consider improving the flow between paragraphs using appropriate transitional phrases to enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but work on making your thesis statement more explicit and your concluding paragraph more definitive.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt directly and covers multiple facets of the issue, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical progression of ideas which makes your argument easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your language use is varied, and you have included some good examples to illustrate your points.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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