More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Numerous
people
are becoming obese essentially. A group of people
think the problem can be solved by raising the price
of junk foods
. From my point of view, I disagree with this
solution somehow due to
three reasons: some Change preposition
for
people
can not afford healthy and organic foods
, to balance the economical
situation healthy Replace the word
economic
foods
become expensive as well, and a group of people
who have to gain weight
become forgotten. Therefore
, we will discuss about
the reasons Remove the preposition
apply
which
I disagree with the mentioned solution from a part of Correct word choice
why
population
.
Add an article
the population
Firstly
, there are humans who can not afford healthy products as their income is low. For example
, in the US healthy items’
Change noun form
items
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
is
really high. Correct subject-verb agreement
are
Therefore
, they have to purchase the low-price
ones- fattening foods
is
included in the list -to live their life. So, they have to buy inorganic and fattening products in order to manage their income.
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
Secondly
, in the
economics when Correct article usage
apply
the
fattening items become more expensive, their ingredients have to be Correct article usage
apply
in
a higher Change preposition
at
price
as well. Those ingredients are sometimes the fundamental needs of a healthy dish. For instance
, if burger
becomes expensive, its ingredients like tomato and meat costs a lot in the same way. Correct article usage
a burger
As a result
, the economical
balance makes Replace the word
economic
the
healthy Correct article usage
apply
foods
expensive as well.
Thirdly
, a population requires a
serious attention to its Remove the article
apply
weight
for their low weight
. So, it is vital for them have
a consumption of junk Add the particle
to have
foods
in their nutrition plan. As an example, nutritionists’ advice is to eat foods
which increases
the Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
weight
for those who are in a serious state of health. However
, by raising the price
of junk foods
, they will face to
issues, Change preposition
apply
such
as not being capable to manage
their income and savings. Change preposition
of managing
As a result
, it is a must to consider the ones who require
to gain Wrong verb form
are required
weight
in order to be stable.
To be concluded
, considerations have to be made for humans who have to increase their Wrong verb form
conclude
weight
. In addition
, a population sometimes can not give the amount of money for purchasing organic products. Also
, due to
economical
status, Replace the word
economic
the
healthy Correct article usage
apply
foods
will be expensive in a row.Submitted by TUTOO on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task and presents relevant arguments. However, try to develop your ideas further with more specific and varied examples to support your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure, consider improving the flow between paragraphs using appropriate transitional phrases to enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but work on making your thesis statement more explicit and your concluding paragraph more definitive.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt directly and covers multiple facets of the issue, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical progression of ideas which makes your argument easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your language use is varied, and you have included some good examples to illustrate your points.