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Band 4.5

It is important for children to learn the different between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

#children #right #age #punishment #distinction #sort #parents #teachers #behavior
A large number of people hold the view that it is vital for
kids
 to take
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
define
Replace the word
definition
show examples
 of right and wrong. Some individuals believe that it is essential to give them
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
treat
Replace the word
treatment
show examples
, which leads to
learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
this
 difference.
However
, I think it is not a good idea because a huge number of penalties could
be hindered
Wrong verb form
hinder
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their growing up. In my opinion, one of the main points is that if
parents
 and teachers give them
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
treat
Replace the word
treatment
show examples
, it will
make
Verb problem
create
show examples
obstacle
Fix the agreement mistake
obstacles
show examples
 to their activities, which means that
kids
are losing
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 their assurance, and it puts more pressure on their
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
. Admittedly, giving
punishment
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
creates
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 impact on their bonding, resulting in getting unhealthy lifestyle.
According to
 a survey carried out by Melbourne
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 90% of
interviewer
Replace the word
interviewees
show examples
 said that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 65% of
juvenile
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juveniles
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 has left primary school in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 5 years, compared to
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
 15 years.
This
 is what I experienced and I read an article, which indicated that
kids
 were highly likely to
dissatisfy
Wrong verb form
be dissatisfied
show examples
 because it
leads to discourage
Verb problem
discourages
show examples
 them
to give
Change preposition
from giving
show examples
 attention.
As a result
, juveniles are not able to their cognitive development.
In contrast
, some individuals think that
kids
 should be
gotten
Verb problem
punished
show examples
punishment
 by their
parents
 and teachers, which helps to learn good
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
However
, I believe that the
punishment
 will be flexible
such
 as giving more
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
,
discussion
Replace the word
discussing
show examples
 with
parents
 and so on, which encourages
to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
show examples
 accept the difficulties, and it leads to
get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
 better
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
show examples
 in our society. Take Japan as an example, 75% of
kids
 had gained practically to do
Add an article
the task
a task
show examples
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 with a team in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 10 years because they were getting more facilities, resulting in increasing their skills.
On the other hand
, I think children should have self-determination, so they can regulate with circumstances. In fact,
whether
Correct word choice
if
show examples
parents
 give a number of punishments, it will
make
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 frustration, and they can be addicted
with
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 drugs, which exposes
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 harm
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their career. In conclusion, giving
punishment
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only
put
Wrong verb form
puts
show examples
 pressure on their mind, but
also
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
hinders
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
to develop
Change preposition
from developing
show examples
 their skills. Personally, I believe that
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
show examples
 should get more facilities to learn the
define
Replace the word
definition
show examples
.
Submitted by mahamudzisan on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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Provide more specific examples and evidence to strengthen the arguments.
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The essay attempts to cover both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a basic structure to the essay.
task achievement
The essay contains some relevant examples to support the main points.

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