IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for children to learn the different between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

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A large number of people hold the view that it is vital for
kids
Use synonyms
 to take
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
define
Replace the word
definition
show examples
 of right and wrong. Some individuals believe that it is essential to give them
bad
Add an article
a bad
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treat
Replace the word
treatment
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, which leads to
learn
Change the verb form
learning
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this
Linking Words
 difference.
However
Linking Words
, I think it is not a good idea because a huge number of penalties could
be hindered
Wrong verb form
hinder
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to
Change preposition
apply
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their growing up. In my opinion, one of the main points is that if
parents
Use synonyms
 and teachers give them
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
treat
Replace the word
treatment
show examples
, it will
make
Verb problem
create
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obstacle
Fix the agreement mistake
obstacles
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 to their activities, which means that
kids
Use synonyms
are losing
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 their assurance, and it puts more pressure on their
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
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. Admittedly, giving
punishment
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
creates
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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 impact on their bonding, resulting in getting unhealthy lifestyle.
According to
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 a survey carried out by Melbourne
university
Capitalize word
University
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 90% of
interviewer
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interviewees
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 said that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 65% of
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
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 has left primary school in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 5 years, compared to
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
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 15 years.
This
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 is what I experienced and I read an article, which indicated that
kids
Use synonyms
 were highly likely to
dissatisfy
Wrong verb form
be dissatisfied
show examples
 because it
leads to discourage
Verb problem
discourages
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 them
to give
Change preposition
from giving
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 attention.
As a result
Linking Words
, juveniles are not able to their cognitive development.
In contrast
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, some individuals think that
kids
Use synonyms
 should be
gotten
Verb problem
punished
show examples
punishment
Use synonyms
 by their
parents
Use synonyms
 and teachers, which helps to learn good
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that the
punishment
Use synonyms
 will be flexible
such
Linking Words
 as giving more
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
,
discussion
Replace the word
discussing
show examples
 with
parents
Use synonyms
 and so on, which encourages
to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
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 accept the difficulties, and it leads to
get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
 better
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
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 in our society. Take Japan as an example, 75% of
kids
Use synonyms
 had gained practically to do
Add an article
the task
a task
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task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 with a team in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 10 years because they were getting more facilities, resulting in increasing their skills.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I think children should have self-determination, so they can regulate with circumstances. In fact,
whether
Correct word choice
if
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 give a number of punishments, it will
make
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 frustration, and they can be addicted
with
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 drugs, which exposes
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 harm
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their career. In conclusion, giving
punishment
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only
put
Wrong verb form
puts
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 pressure on their mind, but
also
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
hinders
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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to develop
Change preposition
from developing
show examples
 their skills. Personally, I believe that
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
show examples
 should get more facilities to learn the
define
Replace the word
definition
show examples
.

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