IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#minutes #proportion #population #three #countries #information #features #comparisons
The line graph illustrates the percentage of elderly
people
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in several types of nations.
Overall
, there are three countries including the USA, Sweden and
Japan
.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the beginning which was 1940, older citizens in the USA accounted for the highest than other nations
shown
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
However
,
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the end of 2040,
Japan
 has been predicted to
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
 the largest proportion of
people
within age
Change preposition
aged
show examples
 65 and more. In 1940, there were around 10% of the total population in the United States fulfilled by elderly inhabitants.
This
 condition continued
increased
Change the verb form
to increase
show examples
 until 1980 to roughly a quarter before fell to slightly below 15% in 2020.
However
, in 2040 it is expected to
over
Add a missing verb
be over
show examples
 20% or onefold higher than 100 years ago. In Sweden itself, the proportion has
fluctuative
Correct your spelling
fluctuated
fluctuating
 increased. In 1940, more
5
Change preposition
than 5
show examples
%
citizens
Change preposition
of citizens
show examples
 in non productive ages
then
 will rise to about 20% in 2040. In
Japan
, the population of
people
 with age 65 and more in 1940 was only roughly 5% and had a small
decreased
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
 to under 5% in 1990 before rising to approximately 10% in 2020.
This
 condition
then
 is predicted to increase considerably
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20 years later.
Finally
, in 2040 there will be more than a quarter elderly
people
 in
Japan
.
This
 will exceed the other two countries.
Submitted by hikmanurdin04 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • population aged 65 and over
  • trends
  • upward trend
  • significant increase
  • decrease
  • specific points in time
  • starting point
  • ending points
  • highest proportion
  • lowest proportion
  • given period
  • timeline
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