IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The chart below gives information about birth and death rates in Switzerland from 1970 to 2020 according to United Nations statistics. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about birth and death rates in Switzerland from 1970 to 2020 according to United Nations statistics. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given graph depicts the comparison between birth and
death
Use synonyms
 rates in six time periods.
Overall
Linking Words
,
birth
Add an article
the birth
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 has increased;
however
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
death
Add an article
the death
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 has fluctuated. Looking at the details, in 1975 birth was bigger than
Use synonyms
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 by 0.2
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
, but in 1985 the situation changed and the
death
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
overlaped
Correct your spelling
overlapped
 the
birh
Correct your spelling
birth
rate
Use synonyms
 by 0.1
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 and met 1.3
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 citizens.
While
Linking Words
, in 1995 was born 1.7
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
, which
0.5
Add a missing verb
is 0.5
show examples
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 bigger than in 1985, the statistics
also
Linking Words
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 1.5 million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
deaths in that year.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the trend of
Correct article usage
the birts
show examples
birts
Correct your spelling
birth
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
was continuing
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
 to grow
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 2015 and will increase to 3.3
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 people in 2025.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the dearth
rate
Use synonyms
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 to 1.1 in 2005 and to 1 in 2015 respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, United Nations statistics expect that the same
rate
Use synonyms
 will decrease to 0.8 in 2025.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words death, rate, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • birth rate
  • death rate
  • fluctuation
  • demographic
  • peak
  • trough
  • trend
  • incremental
  • statistical
  • longitudinal
  • population growth
  • life expectancy
  • fertility rate
  • mortality rate
  • aging population
  • demographic shift
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