Some people think that the use of mobiles (cell) phones should be banned in public places such as in libraries, shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Mobile
phones
with all kinds of various applications such
as the camera, voice recorder, and Google Maps, have become essential to carry in today's busy life. It is difficult to imagine that one could have a normal day without using cell phones
, these devices keep us connected with one another. The use
of these gadgets in public places
like libraries, shops and transport is much debated. In this
essay, I will explain why I strongly believe that in the best interest of the community, its use
must be banned in public places
.
Some places
, like the library , for instance
, are meant to be private and silent where people
go to study or to do work. Any mobile tune or a phone conversation in such
a place causes inconvenience to everyone inside. When I study for my IELTS test preparation at the Taimooria library near my house, and someone's mobile starts ringing or even vibrating in silent mode, I get very disturbed. It's almost impossible to concentrate. Due to
this
inconvenience that mobile devices cause, there must be a ban imposed on their usage in public places
.
Every mobile phone now has a camera, which helps in capturing any moment or any detail. At shops, people
use
mobile phones
to take pictures of available products and offered prices. Not only products or prices, people
even capture pictures of other people
they know which kills privacy. Moreover
, the information taken can later be used by other shopkeepers to copy product offerings and match prices. Due to
this
severe breach of privacy, I think the use
of mobile phones
at shopping malls must be banned.
The rays and frequencies of cell phones
fluctuate, this
fluctuation is very dangerous and can cause fire at a place like a petrol station. Recently 15 people
died in a fire at the Diamond petrol pump in South Africa, the fire blazed due to
sudden changes in signal frequencies.
Keeping in view all the security, health and safety risks that are associated with the use
of mobile phones
in public places
, there is a strong need in the world to discourage and maybe even penalize it. I believe that this
ban will help us create a better and safer world.Submitted by hudibaiqbal on
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task achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the question and presents a clear position on banning mobile phones in public spaces. To enhance clarity, avoid repetitive introductory phrases like 'for instance' and use more varied vocabulary to keep your reader engaged.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. For instance, after discussing the disturbance in libraries, provide a linking sentence before moving to the next point about shops to ensure a seamless flow of ideas.
task achievement
Expand on your supporting points with additional examples or details where necessary. For instance, when discussing privacy concerns in shops, you might also explore other potential privacy invasions related to mobile phone use in public spaces.
coherence cohesion
Revise sentences for clearer expression and to avoid redundancy. 'Due to this inconvenience that mobile devices cause' could simply be 'Due to this inconvenience'. Condensing sentences can make your arguments more powerful.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion, summarizing the importance of mobile phones and presenting your stance clearly.
supported main points
You have included relevant and specific examples, such as the Taimooria library and the incident at Diamond petrol pump, which substantially support your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your position, leaving the reader with a clear understanding of your perspective.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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