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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

There is growing evidence that manmade activities are making global temperatures higher. what are the causes of temperatures rising? How should we deal with this problem?

#evidence #manmade #activities #temperatures
Nowadays,growing evidence that manmade activities are making global temperatures higher.There are some reasons why
this
 phenomenon,but there are
also
 some solutions to tackle the issue.
To begin
 with,there are some reasons why
this
 trend is
occuring
Correct your spelling
occurring
.
Firstly
,
people
 use a lot of disposable
products
.They use disposable
products
 when they travel or
takeaway
Correct your spelling
take away
show examples
 some food.That can encourage global warming to remove
products
.
Secondly
,they built many
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 for humans.
People
 want more convenience
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 so they build a lot of
facilites
Correct your spelling
facilities
 for them.The buildings are so many
people
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not use all of the buildings
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can be
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 on the earth.
However
,there are some ways to manage temperatures lower.First of all,
people
 should be recycling their rubbish.Recycling can
reuse
Wrong verb form
be reused
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 make new
products
, and it can be beneficial for finance.
Secondly
,
people
 should stop cutting
trees
.The
trees
 make
earth
Correct article usage
the earth
show examples
 cool,but make
businessmans
Correct your spelling
businessmen
businessman
 want to earn money for making
products
 with
trees
.Governments should block
people
 who remove
a massive
Correct the article-noun agreement
a massive tree
massive trees
show examples
trees
 for their business. In conclusion,
although
teach
Correct subject-verb agreement
teaches
show examples
 skills for
people
 to make global temperatures lower.
Thus
,
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the world should be
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
 on
Correct your spelling
environment
Correct article usage
the enviroment
show examples
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
Submitted by yskim3064 on

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task achievement
Work on creating more specific and detailed supporting examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central point and that all sentences within the paragraph are focused on this main point.
coherence cohesion
Develop smoother transitions between paragraphs to improve the overall flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion about the causes and solutions of global temperature rise.
task achievement
There is a complete response to the prompt; the essay discusses both causes and solutions to the issue of rising global temperatures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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