Evidence suggests that there is a significant rise in the number of money-consumers having willing to use a credit card more than cash. Although some disadvantages are accruing to credit card usage, I believe that advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
It
is believe
that Change the verb form
is believed
the
number of Correct article usage
a
money-consumers
use a Correct your spelling
money consumers
credit
card mort
than Correct your spelling
more
cash
.There are both merits and demerits,and I think that the benefits are greater than the drawbacks.
To begin
with,there are some benefits to use
Wrong verb form
using
credit
cards
.First of all,it is convenience
to pay.People did not have to count Replace the word
convenient
cash
, and no coins
after they paied
.They can carry just Correct your spelling
paid
credit
cards
or nowadays we can insert credit
cards
in their smartphone so we do not have to bring wallet
to pay.Fix the agreement mistake
wallets
In addition
,it can improve the environment.The cash
was made with papers the tree sacrifice
for making money.It can Wrong verb form
sacrificed
helps
to solve global warming Change the verb form
help
issue
for saving Fix the agreement mistake
issues
earth
.
Add an article
the earth
However
,not all aspects of credit
cards
are beneficial.Firstly
,consumers pay with a
Remove the article
apply
cash
it
makes small Correct pronoun usage
which
change
.Fix the agreement mistake
changes
It
uncomfortable to bring Add a verb
It is
It was
coins
,and they did not use coins
frequently.People need to seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
for
carry Change preposition
to
coins
and cash
together.Secondly
,cash
need
a lot of space to carry.Change the verb form
needs
Wallet
can be thick when they put in Fix the agreement mistake
Wallets
cash
a lot,so it can encourage theif
can target them.
In conclusion,despite the disadvantages, I opine that Correct your spelling
them
credit
cards
are more beneficial than cash
.Submitted by yskim3064 on
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task achievement
Try to proofread your essay to correct grammar and spellings. For instance, 'It is believe' should be 'It is believed.'
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your points. For example, you could mention certain industries or statistics on credit card usage.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure could be improved by clearly splitting ideas into separate paragraphs. For example, one paragraph for benefits and another for drawbacks.
coherence cohesion
Improve your transitions between points to make your essay more cohesive. For example, 'In addition' can follow a point about convenience instead of immediately switching topics.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction stating your opinion that advantages outweigh disadvantages.
task achievement
You included both positive and negative aspects of using credit cards, which shows a balanced view.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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