Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and dive your own opinion.
There is a public opinion which believes that
parents
should be the first teachers who teach their children about society
. However
, some people argue about this
perspective and leave the teaching up to the school
. In this
essay, we will discuss both perspectives.
It is paramount for children to learn how to blend into society
at an early age
, especially in their golden age
. Parents
' role in this
early-taught as a role-model will shape the pupils how to behave among people. For instance
, parents
could take their pupils during the day to an event and show them how to interact with other relatives closely. Thus
, pupils will learn directly what should and should not do in crowds.
Although
the adult's role is important, the school
also
plays a big portion in continuously learning about society
. In formal education, young age
will learn to interact with people their age
and they can learn about adaptation and interaction with lower risk. For example
, in junior high school
, they have clubs where they are able to meet new friends and acquire communication skills during the events. This
will equip them before entering the real society
once they grow up.
In conclusion, both parents
and school
have their portions in building children's capability in society
. Parents
are responsible for giving a role model whereas
schools give them a space to implement it before joining adult society
.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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task achievement
Your essay generally accomplishes what is asked by discussing both views and providing your own opinion. However, it lacks depth in some areas. Consider including a few more comprehensive arguments to further elaborate on your points.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are logically organized, but some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be improved. Use more connective words and phrases to enhance the flow.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and effective introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your essay nicely.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both perspectives on the topic and gives a balanced viewpoint.
task achievement
You provide some relevant examples which help to illustrate your points. This demonstrates an effort to make your arguments more tangible.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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