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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and dive your own opinion.

There is a public opinion which believes that
parents
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 should be the first teachers who teach their children about
society
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.
However
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, some people argue about
this
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 perspective and leave the teaching up to the
school
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. In
this
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 essay, we will discuss both perspectives. It is paramount for children to learn how to blend into
society
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 at an early
age
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 , especially in their golden
age
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.
Parents
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' role in
this
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 early-taught as a role-model will shape the pupils how to behave among people.
For instance
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,
parents
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 could take their pupils during the day to an event and show them how to interact with other relatives closely.
Thus
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, pupils will learn directly what should and should not do in crowds.
Although
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 the adult's role is important, the
school
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also
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 plays a big portion in continuously learning about
society
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. In formal education, young
age
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 will learn to interact with people their
age
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 and they can learn about adaptation and interaction with lower risk.
For example
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, in junior high
school
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, they have clubs where they are able to meet new friends and acquire communication skills during the events.
This
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 will equip them before entering the real
society
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 once they grow up. In conclusion, both
parents
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 and
school
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 have their portions in building children's capability in
society
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.
Parents
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 are responsible for giving a role model
whereas
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 schools give them a space to implement it before joining adult
society
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.

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task achievement
Your essay generally accomplishes what is asked by discussing both views and providing your own opinion. However, it lacks depth in some areas. Consider including a few more comprehensive arguments to further elaborate on your points.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are logically organized, but some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be improved. Use more connective words and phrases to enhance the flow.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and effective introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your essay nicely.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both perspectives on the topic and gives a balanced viewpoint.
task achievement
You provide some relevant examples which help to illustrate your points. This demonstrates an effort to make your arguments more tangible.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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