It is easier for wealthy people to maintain good health than it is for people who don’t have large amounts of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your reasons and include relevant examples. Write at least 250 words.
In our world
people
divided
into well-off classes and poor Add a missing verb
are divided
people
. Wealthy individuals are usually tend
to be well-being rather than humans with lower income. I strongly agree with Change the verb form
usually tend
this
notion that rich society can easier
allow themselves to maintain great health.
Replace the word
easily
To begin
with, a person who possess
large amounts of finances can afford to use the best things for health. An individual with Correct subject-verb agreement
possesses
high
income can observe better and healthier nutrition than a human with less money. Correct article usage
a high
Moreover
, affluent people
can afford high-end medical facilities, routine check-ups and specialized treatments, which are often financial hurdles for those who are less affluent. For example
, an average human is sick and gets medicine
prescription, and when he is at the drug store, he notices thatCorrect article usage
a medicine
,
he is not able to purchase all medicines.
Remove the comma
apply
Furthermore
, well-off classes permanently goes
to the gym with marvelous facilities for workout, and have Change the verb form
go
a personal trainers
to make an individual workout programme. Correct the article-noun agreement
a personal trainer
personal trainers
Also
, financial stabilty
can change mental health by going to the spa and vacations, compared to those who are financially insecure and work Correct your spelling
stability
on
multiple jobs. Rich humans are more likely to live in Change preposition
apply
heathier
environments with clean air and less pollution. Correct your spelling
healthier
On the other hand
, low paid
workers survive and live in Add a hyphen
low-paid
a
bad conditions that have Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
negative
impact.
Add an article
a negative
To conclude
, wealthiness
Replace the word
wealth
brings
Verb problem
has
superior
impact on Correct article usage
a superior
people
's lives and make
it easier to Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
remain
good well-being. I Verb problem
maintain
definetily
agree with Correct your spelling
definitely
this
and, i
think that groups with financial stability can be Change the capitalization
I
easier
to be healthy.Correct word choice
more likely
Submitted by tamerlankts on
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grammar
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that affect clarity. Review subject-verb agreement and pronoun use.
examples
Further elaborate on your examples to make them more specific and convincing.
cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs to enhance flow.
structure
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
points
Your main points are relevant and logically related to the topic.
examples
The use of a personal example (the drug store scenario) helps in making your argument relatable.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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