IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is easier for wealthy people to maintain good health than it is for people who don’t have large amounts of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your reasons and include relevant examples. Write at least 250 words.

#people #health #don’t #amounts #money
In our world
people
divided
Add a missing verb
are divided
show examples
 into well-off classes and poor
people
. Wealthy individuals
are usually tend
Change the verb form
usually tend
show examples
 to be well-being rather than humans with lower income. I strongly agree with
this
 notion that rich society can
easier
Replace the word
easily
show examples
 allow themselves to maintain great health.
To begin
 with, a person who
possess
Correct subject-verb agreement
possesses
show examples
 large amounts of finances can afford to use the best things for health. An individual with
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 income can observe better and healthier nutrition than a human with less money.
Moreover
, affluent
people
 can afford high-end medical facilities, routine check-ups and specialized treatments, which are often financial hurdles for those who are less affluent.
For example
, an average human is sick and gets
medicine
Correct article usage
a medicine
show examples
 prescription, and when he is at the drug store, he notices that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 he is not able to purchase all medicines.
Furthermore
, well-off classes permanently
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 to the gym with marvelous facilities for workout, and have
a personal trainers
Correct the article-noun agreement
a personal trainer
personal trainers
show examples
 to make an individual workout programme.
Also
, financial
stabilty
Correct your spelling
stability
 can change mental health by going to the spa and vacations, compared to those who are financially insecure and work
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
multiple jobs. Rich humans are more likely to live in
heathier
Correct your spelling
healthier
show examples
 environments with clean air and less pollution.
On the other hand
,
low paid
Add a hyphen
low-paid
show examples
 workers survive and live in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
bad conditions that have
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact.
To conclude
,
wealthiness
Replace the word
wealth
show examples
brings
Verb problem
has
show examples
superior
Correct article usage
a superior
show examples
 impact on
people
's lives and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 it easier to
remain
Verb problem
maintain
show examples
 good well-being. I
definetily
Correct your spelling
definitely
 agree with
this
 and,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that groups with financial stability can be
easier
Correct word choice
more likely
show examples
 to be healthy.
Submitted by tamerlankts on

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grammar
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that affect clarity. Review subject-verb agreement and pronoun use.
examples
Further elaborate on your examples to make them more specific and convincing.
cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs to enhance flow.
structure
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
points
Your main points are relevant and logically related to the topic.
examples
The use of a personal example (the drug store scenario) helps in making your argument relatable.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • affluent
  • financial hurdles
  • routine check-ups
  • specialized treatments
  • organic foods
  • processed foods
  • personal nutritionists
  • gym memberships
  • personal trainers
  • leisure time
  • stress management
  • financial stability
  • vacations
  • spa treatments
  • therapies
  • clean air
  • water pollution
  • noise pollution
  • financial insecurity
  • healthier environments
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