A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children’s sports team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter, describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts say how you think the company should spend the money

Dear Sir/Madam, I would like to thank you for your decision regarding
to spend
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spending
show examples
some money either on our junior
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
team
members twice or giving two open concerts. so, I am writing
this
letter to give my feedback on what should be done
for
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about
show examples
this
.
Firstly
, It is really beneficial for both to youngster's
team
and your business if you choose to give
sponsership
Correct your spelling
sponsorship
for two years to their
team
by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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means of promoting your
company
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company's
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products too.
Moreover
, they will
remeber
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remember
you for a long time for being
such
a nice
businesman
Correct your spelling
businessman
and
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
them and
few
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a few
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of them might be
sport
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sports
show examples
person in the future
which
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who
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can give fame to you too.
In addition
, the best thing
of
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about
show examples
doing
this
will be that
team
members can have
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
sufficient supplies for
practicing
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practising
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about
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apply
show examples
their game which is really very good for our community.
Secondly
, another idea of spending
expense
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expenses
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in
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on
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concerts like music, comedy or dancing,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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is
also
stress
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a stress
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buster for our local people.
This
can be
relexing
Correct your spelling
relevant
at certain
time
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times
show examples
.
Furthermore
, People can
also
enjoy that night being with friends and family which will allow them
sometime
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some time
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of being
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to be
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away from
stressful
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the stressful
a stressful
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life. In my opinion, both things will be beneficial.
However
, spending money on concerts will give you less benefit
compare
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compared
show examples
to
sponsering
Correct your spelling
sponsoring
sports
Correct article usage
a sports
show examples
team
as
concert
Add an article
the concert
a concert
show examples
is going to be no more than 4 hours but the
team
members will remember you for a long period. So, I think you should support our children's sports and gaming
team
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teams
show examples
. Thank you for giving
this
opportunity to general people to give you feedback. Yours Faithfully, Shuru.
Submitted by parmarshreya897 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider elaborating more on the benefits of sponsoring the sports team with specific examples and details. This will help the reader understand the impact better.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should focus on a single idea for clarity. Combining too many concepts in one paragraph can make it harder for the reader to follow your line of thought.
task achievement
Try to refine your language to be more precise. Avoid minor grammatical and spelling errors to improve readability and professionalism.
task achievement
The letter has a polite and suitable tone for addressing the company, which is appropriate for this context.
coherence cohesion
Good use of greetings and closing in the letter, which adds to the formal tone and structure of the communication.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sponsor
  • sportsmanship
  • fosters
  • cultivates
  • talents
  • accessible
  • cultural entertainment
  • boosts
  • tourism
  • temporary employment opportunities
  • patron of the arts
  • community engagement
  • long-term impact
  • economic benefits
  • alternating support
  • maximize community impact
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