A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children’s sports team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter, describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts say how you think the company should spend the money

#company #area #amount #money #sponsor #children’s #sports #team #two #years #concerts #feedback #summarise

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Dear Sir/Madam, I would like to thank you for your decision regarding

to spend

Change the verb form

spending

show examples

some money either on our junior

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

team

members twice or giving two open concerts. so, I am writing

this

letter to give my feedback on what should be done

for

Change preposition

about

show examples

this

Firstly

, It is really beneficial for both to youngster's

team

and your business if you choose to give

sponsership

Correct your spelling

sponsorship

for two years to their

team

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

means of promoting your

company

Change noun form

company's

show examples

products too.

Moreover

, they will

remeber

Correct your spelling

remember

you for a long time for being

such

a nice

businesman

Correct your spelling

businessman

and

help

Wrong verb form

helping

show examples

them and

few

Correct article usage

a few

show examples

of them might be

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

person in the future

which

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

can give fame to you too.

In addition

, the best thing

Change preposition

about

show examples

doing

this

will be that

team

members can have

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

sufficient supplies for

practicing

Change the spelling

practising

show examples

about

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their game which is really very good for our community.

Secondly

, another idea of spending

expense

Fix the agreement mistake

expenses

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

concerts like music, comedy or dancing,

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

also

stress

Add an article

a stress

show examples

buster for our local people.

This

can be

relexing

Correct your spelling

relevant

at certain

time

Fix the agreement mistake

times

show examples

Furthermore

, People can

also

enjoy that night being with friends and family which will allow them

sometime

Replace the word

some time

show examples

of being

Change preposition

to be

show examples

away from

stressful

Add an article

the stressful

a stressful

show examples

life. In my opinion, both things will be beneficial.

However

, spending money on concerts will give you less benefit

compare

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

sponsering

Correct your spelling

sponsoring

sports

Correct article usage

a sports

show examples

team

concert

Add an article

the concert

a concert

show examples

is going to be no more than 4 hours but the

team

members will remember you for a long period. So, I think you should support our children's sports and gaming

team

Fix the agreement mistake

teams

show examples

. Thank you for giving

this

opportunity to general people to give you feedback. Yours Faithfully, Shuru.

Submitted by parmarshreya897 on Thu Sep 05 2024

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coherence cohesion

To improve coherence, consider elaborating more on the benefits of sponsoring the sports team with specific examples and details. This will help the reader understand the impact better.

coherence cohesion

Each paragraph should focus on a single idea for clarity. Combining too many concepts in one paragraph can make it harder for the reader to follow your line of thought.

task achievement

Try to refine your language to be more precise. Avoid minor grammatical and spelling errors to improve readability and professionalism.

task achievement

The letter has a polite and suitable tone for addressing the company, which is appropriate for this context.

coherence cohesion

Good use of greetings and closing in the letter, which adds to the formal tone and structure of the communication.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

8 paragraphs

272 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

sponsor
sportsmanship
fosters
cultivates
talents
accessible
cultural entertainment
boosts
tourism
temporary employment opportunities
patron of the arts
community engagement
long-term impact
economic benefits
alternating support
maximize community impact

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

In recent times, economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this?

Some people say that musci is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In many developing countries, there is an increasing movement of workers from rural areas into cities. Why do you think this happen? What problems can this cause.

In many countries around the world , rural people are moving to cities ,so the population in the country side is decreasing Do you think it is a positive or a negative development

In some societies, more and more people are deciding to live alone. Why do you think this is? Do the advantages of living alone outweigh the disadvantages?