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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the average hours worked per day by married men and women in paid employment.

The chart below shows the average hours worked per day by married men and women in paid employment.
The graphs give information about the number of
work
Use synonyms
hours
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 done by married men and women in paid employment.
Overall
Linking Words
, in two different
age
Use synonyms
 groups, paid
work
Use synonyms
 dominates the average number of
hours
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 worked per day compared to chores performed at home.
Husbands
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 aged 24-44 do more
work
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hours
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 than
wives
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 in the same
age
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 group,
while
Linking Words
 the unpaid workers are dominated by married women. Same with the trend,
husbands
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 aged 45-64 do more
work
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hours
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 than
wives
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,
while
Linking Words
 unpaid employees are still dominated by
wives
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there is no significant change
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 paid
work
Use synonyms
hours
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 between
husbands
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 aged 24-44 and
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Correct determiner usage
those age
show examples
age
Wrong verb form
aged
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 45-64 which is stuck on 8
hours
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is a slight increase in paid
work
Use synonyms
 by married women from
age
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 22-44 to
age
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 45-64 which is from 6
hours
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 to 7
hours
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there is a fluctuation
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 paid and unpaid
work
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 of
husbands
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 and
wives
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 in two different
age
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 groups. In the
age
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 22-44, the total amount of
hours
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 of paid and unpaid
work
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 done by
husbands
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 is approximately 9
hours
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. Meanwhile, the total amount of
hours
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 of paid and unpaid
work
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 done by
wives
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in
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
22
Change preposition
of 22
show examples
-44 is around 11
hours
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. Contrary to the trend of that
age
Use synonyms
 group, the total amount of
hours
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 of paid and unpaid
work
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 done by
husbands
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 in the
age
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 45-64 is decreased by 7
hours
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,
while
Linking Words
 the
wives
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is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the same with the previous
age
Use synonyms
 group which is 11 
hours
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, hours, age, husbands, wives with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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