IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The debate over the optimal aim of science has sparked considerable controversy.
While
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 some argue that scientific research should solely favour political prospects, I,
along with
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 others, contend that it is most effective for society if science focuses on improving
people
Use synonyms
's quality of life as
this
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 essay
further
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 elaborates on. One major positive aspect of
this
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 ambition is the happiness of the country it brings about. By leading an enhanced version of life, society enjoys financial stability
due to
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 the
innovate
Replace the word
innovative
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 ways of
tackleing
Correct your spelling
tackling
 economic issues that scientific research has introduced.
Subsequently
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, whilst having a boosted mental state,
people
Use synonyms
 credit scientists for their satisfactory lives.
This
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 appreciation will serve as an incentive, fostering a sense of accomplishment in scientist and
ameliorate
Wrong verb form
ameliorating
show examples
 their life satisfaction rates as well, ultimately contributing to a harmonious and delightful community.
Moreover
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, it entices them for
further
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 innovations. In Iran,
for instance
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, many researchers have reported that they find their contributions to society highly rewarding since the country
attribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
attributes
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 them
for
Change preposition
to
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 the economic recovery, highlighting
this
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 prospect's profound impact at not only societal but
also
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 personal and financial levels.
On the other hand
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, some may claim that the resources and scientific attention should be dedicated to governments' aims
such
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 as conquering other nations. They assume when scientists put adequate effort into constructing war instruments
such
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 as atomic bombs, they have a greater likelihood of achieving an edge on a global scale by winning in wars.
Furthermoe
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, they argue that the occupation of other countries
result
Change the verb form
results
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 in prosperity and economic upturn.
For instance
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, many blame Gaza, where
people
Use synonyms
 are
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 wartime, not allocating much time and effort into making war machines which has heightened their chance of losing
at
Change preposition
apply
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the war and a subsequent economic recession.
However
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,
this
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 perspective overlooks the fact that
such
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 efforts come at the cost of
people
Use synonyms
's lives, including indigenous ones. In conclusion,
although
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 some tend to focus solely on devoting all the scientific attention to boosting countries' global status, I firmly believe that countries would be a more conducive place for individual, societal, and financial development if taking enhancing the lives of others into account when
pursueing
Correct your spelling
pursuing
 scientific subjects.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from some clearer connective phrases to ensure a smoother flow between ideas. For example, words like 'Furthermore' or 'Additionally' could help maintain a logical progression.
task achievement
Although you have included relevant examples, consider adding a broader range of examples or more specific details to further strengthen your points. This will make your arguments even more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor language errors and structural issues, such as incorrect word forms ('innate ways' should be 'innovative ways') and missing articles ('the occupation of other countries results' instead of 'result'). These can slightly distract the reader from your main points.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong conclusion which effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your stance.
task achievement
Your response addresses the prompt well and provides a clear argument with relevant examples. This shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your main points are logically tied to the task, demonstrating your ability to provide a comprehensive response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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