A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honor, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extend do you agree/ disagree with this option?
Nowadays morals, ethics and
values
of society are not considered when deciding to
Change preposition
on
people
worth. Change noun form
people's
Instead
social status
and materiality's important and ever-growing. However
, social status
is not an infinite value and it can lead the misunderstandings when meeting with people
. I strongly believe that a person
's worth should not judged by such
basic criteria.
Social
Correct article usage
The social
status
and wealth of people
can not stay with them forever when they do not look for them carefully. If we decide their values
regarding their status
when they lose it, our opinion should change it
as well, which is not appropriate. Correct pronoun usage
apply
While
being a valuable person
can be imagined as great, when people
lose that status
they can have strong suffer. Because they lose not only their social status
and wealth but also
their values
from people
's perspectives. I know a man who was incredibly rich, when
he lost her money he lost most of her friends as well, Correct word choice
and when
even
Correct word choice
and even
he
divorced her wife. If her value was judged by her morals, kindness or Correct pronoun usage
apply
trustworthy
, he would have still friends.
Replace the word
trustworthiness
Moreover
, giving values
to Fix the agreement mistake
value
people
in terms of their status
and material possessions will lead to misunderstanding when meeting people
. With that bias people
can think that people
are respectful individuals and have good behaviour, actually who is not. Because a person
who has high-level status
,
knows how to use her force. Remove the comma
apply
For instance
, I have a friend who dated an influencer, we all thought that he was a good person
because of her popularity, however
, we introduced her another
face later.
Change preposition
to another
To sum up
, when we decide on people
's worth, we should consider their attitudes and old-fashioned values
, instead
of social level or material possessions.Submitted by xxxx17
on
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coherence cohesion
The introduction could be clearer, with a more precise statement of the position. Start with a concise overview of the topic and your stance.
task achievement
There are some grammar and lexical errors that may confuse the reader. Proofread your work to correct these errors and improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Some ideas could be developed further to enhance coherence. Consider adding more detailed examples and explanations for your main points.
task achievement
You've included a relevant example to support your point about social status and wealth not being permanent.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, helping to frame your argument.
task achievement
You have a clear position and address the topic effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.