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Band 2

The charts below five information on the ages of the population of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.

#five #information #ages #population #yemen #projections
The pie charts provide data about the
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
propulations
Correct your spelling
populations
population
 of two different countries namely Yemen and Italy,between 2000 and 2050
Overall
it is clear that
0-14-year-olds
Correct your spelling
0-14-year-old
 children were the
majority
 in Yemen but in 2050,15-59-olds take the lead.
By contrast
, 60+ years had the lowest proportion in each year. Regarding Italy, 15-59-olds were the
majority
,
whereas
 0-14-olds were the minority.
To begin
 with,In Yemen, 0-14-year-olds stood at 50%
while
 it will lose the
majority
 in 2050.
Middle-year-olds
Replace the word
Middle-aged children
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 were the second highest on the chart but in 2050
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will gain
majority
Add an article
a majority
the majority
show examples
.
While
 60+ years will rise slightly. As to Italy, 15-59-year-olds will never
loss
Replace the word
lose
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 the top position. 60+ olds were the second position with 24% in 2000 it will
increased
Change the verb form
increase
be increased
show examples
 to 42% in 2050.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 there will
slightly
Change the word
slight
show examples
 decrease in 0-14-year-olds.
Submitted by mdtipusultanakhand on

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task achievement
Ensure more precise language usage and clear distinctions between the age groups to avoid generalizations.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs and within sentences. Using more connectors and transitional phrases could help.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a more detailed introduction and conclusion to frame the essay and encapsulate the main findings.
task achievement
The essay accurately follows the task requirements, comparing both countries' age distributions over two periods.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has clear central ideas that are easy to follow.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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