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Band 5

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“Success is defined by the which one enjoys the journey”. After completing four years of graduation in the
field
 of Electrical engineering
along with
 honours and after having experience in the
field
 of programming and artificial
intelligence
, I would like to put to use
this
 knowledge to
learn
Correct your spelling
earn
show examples
 my
Masters's
Fix the agreement mistake
master's
show examples
 in the
field
 of computer science engineering. It would give me an upper hand on leading cutting-edge
technology
 and practical experience that I need to complete low-down and information. For the past few years, the
technology
 in the
field
 of artificial
intelligence
 has been evolving gradually.
This
 advancement of artificial
intelligence
 is to increase human comfort at home and at
work
. I would like to be a part of
this
 development to explore the unknown. In
this
 era,
technology
 and data are powers in the widest sense of the term not merely only
technology
, that waits.
However
, when it comes to India in terms of innovations in the
field
 of artificial
intelligence
 is a latecomer. Since
childhood
Add a comma
childhood,
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 I’ve been passionate about my
project
work
 and academics which reflects upon the course
work
 that I’ve done
along with
 the contributions I have made in various open source platforms
such
 as Github, StackOverflow and Medium. Not only have I documented some of my career journey but
also
 I have taught many students and educated them about the opportunities that the technological
field
 holds.
Moreover
, I started my hands-on journey in grade 6th.
Firstly
, I belong to a family of engineers and doctors, I grew up watching my cousins doing their
project
work
 with electrical components and working on computers.
In contrast
,
this
 motivated me to take up core subjects
such
 as electrical and computer engineering. From the start, I have always wanted to experiment
on
Change preposition
with
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 electrical components
along with
 coding to make
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 more functional.
For example
, I completed my first
project
work
 related to remote-controlled cars and quadcopters in
Correct pronoun usage
my bachelors
show examples
bachelors
Correct your spelling
bachelor's
show examples
 3rd year and as a group, we
also
 participated in the IIT, Bhubaneswar annual competition.
Along with
 that, I contributed to multiple Simulink models related to long transmission line protection and detection.
For instance
,
this
 boosted my confidence in the
state of the art
Add a hyphen
state-of-the-art
show examples
 technological subjects and doing
research
.
As a result
 of
this
, I published in three scientific magazines, one of them at the IEEE international conference. Machine learning and deep learning always has been an intriguing subject for me. “Knowledge is power not when it is learned but when it is applied in real-time”. As soon as I learned all the Machine Learning and deep learning models, instantly started applying
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 detecting and classifying various faults in the long transmission lines. Surprisingly I did not stop there I started experimenting with more and more hybrid neural link models. Each of them would give outstanding results with multiple drawbacks to explore more and more to optimize the time consumption.
This
 curiosity not only landed me among the 60 selected students from the whole of India for the Indian National Academy Engineers(INAE)
research
 space but
also
 I had the opportunity to
work
 on
Department
Correct article usage
a Department
show examples
 of Science and
Technology
research
project
 as a
research
 assistant.
Submitted by debasistripathy.india on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay could benefit from a stronger introduction and conclusion. Consider adding a clear thesis statement at the end of the introduction and wrapping up the essay with a conclusion that summarizes the key points and reiterates your passion and future goals.
logical structure
Try to improve the logical flow of ideas. Although the essay is rich in content, some transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through your journey more clearly.
general grammar
Be cautious about minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. A thorough proofreading can help polish the essay. For instance, consider rephrasing 'Surprisingly I did not stop there I started experimenting' to 'I did not stop there; instead, I began experimenting further.'
logical structure
Clarify some points where you jump from one achievement to another without adequate explanation. For example, provide a smoother transition when discussing your hands-on journey from childhood projects to academic achievements.
supported main points
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by specific examples. This will help with the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
relevant specific examples
You have provided specific and relevant examples to support your achievements and goals, such as participating in the IIT Bhubaneswar annual competition and publishing in scientific magazines.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay reflects a high level of passion and commitment to the field of artificial intelligence and electrical engineering, which is inspiring and engaging.
complete response
Your participation in various projects and competitions, along with contributions to open-source platforms, showcases a well-rounded profile that is appealing to admissions committees.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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