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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think children have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #children #freedom #mistakes #adults
Some people support the opinion that
children
 should
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
 freely,
wherase
Correct your spelling
whereas
 others believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 should be protected. In my perspective, it is vital to let kids
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
mistakes
, but with
cautious
Replace the word
caution
show examples
. It is important to give
children
 space to learn and make
mistakes
while
 adults oversee their actions. The freedom
contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 improving essential skills.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 sense of
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
 will be developed
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a young age as they
going to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
realize the consequences of their actions.
Children
's ability to gain skills will
going
Change the verb form
go
be going
show examples
 to be faster
due to
 experience.
For example
, when a kid has a toxic friendship, he or she will try to consider solutions,
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in
emotionally
Add an article
an emotionally
show examples
 intelligent child. The indoctrination in
this
 example wouldn't have the same
effectivness
Correct your spelling
effectiveness
.
On the other hand
, it is necessary to protect the child as the results can be vital. Since
children
 are irresponsible, their thoughts can
lea
Correct your spelling
lead
show examples
 to disaster.
Children
 tend to explore everything, which can range from safe to the most dangerous action.
For instance
, playing in the street at night
expose
Change the verb form
exposes
show examples
 kids to
high
Add an article
the high
a high
show examples
 possibility of getting a car
accedent
Correct your spelling
accident
due to
 darkness. These types of
mistakes
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 what make some parents restrictive. In
conculosion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
while
 some adults tend to support the idea of child freedom, others believe it is the adults' responsibility to protect
children
.
Mistakes
 during childhood will eventually increase their awareness,
however
, it is fundamental to have some
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
show examples
.
Submitted by remasalotaibi678 on

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Coherence
In your essay, try to make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea, and all sentences in the paragraph fully support that idea.
Task Achievement
Some parts of your essay have awkward phrasing or grammatical errors, which slightly affect the clarity of your arguments. Consider revising sentences like 'The sense of responsibilities will be developed in a young age as they going to realize the consequences of their actions.' to improve clarity.
Task Achievement
Try to use more precise vocabulary to express your ideas. For instance, instead of 'indoctrination,' a term like 'instruction' or 'guidance' might be clearer and more appropriate for the context.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is a strong aspect of your response.
Coherence
You have effectively provided examples to support your points, such as the toxic friendship example and the children playing in the street at night.
Coherence
The introduction and conclusion of your essay help frame the discussion and provide a clear start and end to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • freedom to make mistakes
  • critical thinking skills
  • lifelong learning
  • guided learning environment
  • resilience
  • independence
  • overprotective
  • dependency
  • problem-solving skills
  • confidence
  • negative consequences
  • learning process
  • personal growth
  • trial and error
  • balance safety and learning
  • development
  • support and guidance
  • empowerment
  • risk-taking
  • life lessons
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