In the past, important knowledge about culture and history was stored in museums. Nowadays, information is freely available on the Internet; therefore, there is no longer any need for museums. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

People argue that there is no significant meaning for
museums
to exist,
while
information
about history and culture can be freely accessed online, contemporarily.
However
, I firmly disagree with the idea. Undoubtedly, through the rapid
advance
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advances
show examples
in
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
, people are now able to learn
knowledge
of culture and history on their laptops.
For instance
, individuals can borrow
literatures
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literature
kinds of literature
pieces of literature
works of literature
show examples
in
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from
show examples
online libraries, view a publication on
wiki
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the wiki
show examples
and take a virtual tour of
museum
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the museum
a museum
show examples
if available.
Comparing
Wrong verb form
Compared
show examples
to a physical museum that
finite
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is finite
show examples
in scale and size, the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
could
place to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
store and display
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
humanity more efficiently. Most importantly, the
publics
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public
show examples
can choose and locate the
knowledge
they
interested
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are interested
show examples
about
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in
show examples
regardless
which
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of which
show examples
part of the world they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
from.
However
, there are drawbacks
Correct pronoun usage
that came
show examples
came
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
with those
knowledge
sources on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
, as well. Online
contents
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content
show examples
could be wrong. Unlike those stored in the
museums
, where most of
knowledge
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the knowledge
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
based on former studies and edited by professionals, it is hard for
individual
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individuals
show examples
to separate whether the website is printing accurate descriptions about something. In that case, virtual
information
could be misleading something, which would counter the initial purposes of learning.
Furthermore
, visiting
museums
is a valuable opportunity to appreciate the collections within close distance.
Although
people may view pictures, videos and virtual
guide
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guides
show examples
online, standing
front
Change preposition
in front
show examples
of a physical object in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reality could be a completely different visual effect.
Therefore
, closing
museums
would be an immature thought.
While
information
and
knowledge
could be misleading and less attractive on the internet,
museums
take an irreplaceable position providing accurate records of culture and history,
as well as
an opportunity to contact the collection face to face.
Submitted by kejian_shi on

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coherence cohesion
To achieve a higher band, make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next. You could use more varied linking words to show different types of relationships between your points.
task achievement
Try to develop some of your main points a bit further. For instance, elaborate on the benefits of face-to-face interactions with artifacts and provide more detailed examples or evidence to support your claims.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to minimize errors. Paying attention to grammar rules like subject-verb agreement and use of articles will make your essay more polished.
task achievement
Try providing more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will help make your argument more convincing and relatable.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, and this is consistent throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure with clear paragraphs that address different aspects of the issue.
coherence cohesion
There is a good conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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