Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crimes. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Argument
Fix the agreement mistake
Arguments
regards to
whether the development of Wrong verb form
regarding
technology
could reduce crime
rate Correct article usage
the crime
has
been raised Correct subject-verb agreement
have
at
recent Change preposition
in
time
. Fix the agreement mistake
times
This
essay will discuss both side
of the view and conclude Change to a plural noun
sides
my
own opinion Change preposition
with my
at the end
.
Proponents suggest the advance in technology
would contribute to the mitigation in
Change preposition
of
crime
rate. The major aspect of Correct article usage
the crime
this
idea is that the security department of the city could utilise those newly introduced tools to observe and investigate crime
scenes more efficiently. For instance
, it was reported that the installation of full
coverage CCTV network in London has significantly Correct article usage
a full
lowering
the number of pick-pocket in the city. With those advanced monitoring techniques, illegal behaviour can Change the verb form
lowered
be hardly hide
from the camera. Change the verb form
be hardly hidden
Consequently
, less
people would try to break the law since they could be easily found by the police.
Change the quantifier
fewer
Although
the rate of crime
within the cities has seen Add an article
a dramatical
dramatical
reduction, the development of Replace the word
dramatic
technology
brought drawbacks as well. For instance
, cyber-attacks. While
information technology
has covered many aspects of the
society, the privacy of individuals might not be properly protected. People may receive phishing Correct article usage
apply
email
with their accurate personal information on Fix the agreement mistake
emails
it
, Correct pronoun usage
them
as a result
of illegal personal data trade in Correct article usage
the black-market
black-market
. Correct your spelling
black market
This
might cause substantial financial loss of
the citizens. Change preposition
for
Moreover
, newly developed tools may also
being
utilised by criminals, making crimes can be simply conducted. Change the verb form
be
Thus
, the technology
could have stimulation effects on illegal acts.
In conclusion, the advance in technology
has a two-sides impacts
on the illegal activities, contemporarily. The decrease in traditional crimes may have been transfer to newly derived forms. Correct the article-noun agreement
impact
Therefore
, it is crucial to introduce new laws, new
approaches Correct word choice
and new
along with
the forwarding techniques to mitigate and prevent crime
from happening.Submitted by kejian_shi on
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task achievement
While the essay presents relevant arguments on both sides of the debate, providing more specific and detailed examples could enhance your argument. For instance, you might discuss particular high-profile cyber-attacks or other relevant incidents to add depth to your argument against technological advancement.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on ensuring smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. For example, use linking phrases such as 'on the other hand' or 'however' to connect contrasting points.
task achievement
The essay successfully discusses both sides of the debate and provides a balanced viewpoint, which is essential for a high Task Response score.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.