IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some
students
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 prefer to learn
addional
Correct your spelling
additional
subjects
Use synonyms
besides
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 their main profession,
while
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 others argue that it is better to concentrate
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
 main field of study.
Although
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 I acknowledge the advantages of learning extra
subjects
Use synonyms
, I strongly believe that it is better to focus on one main subject. On the one hand, it is often considered that
Add a missing verb
being knowledgable
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knowledgable
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knowledgeable
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 about one important subject is better for
students
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’ future
career
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careers
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. That’s to
said
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say
show examples
, They can easily focus on their core subject and learn it efficiently without wasting their time
to
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on
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 other
subjects
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.
Moreover
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, It may help to find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work in advance before graduating
the
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from the
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 university.
For instance
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,
according to
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 the information from Baku State University, most of their
students
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which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are studying
in
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apply
show examples
the
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apply
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computer science,
they
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apply
show examples
find their desired work before graduating as they are learning only important
subjects
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 for their occupation.
This
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 can
conlude
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result
to
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in
show examples
 getting
high
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a high
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 salary from
early
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an early
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ages
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age
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 and giving support to their families.
On the other hand
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, many university
students
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 think that studying additional
subjects
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 outside the main field has
positive
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a positive
show examples
 impact on their lives. They
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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 that
this
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to broaden the horizons and make
students
Use synonyms
 more
knowledgable
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knowledgeable
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 about all
subjects
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.
Although
Linking Words
 it can add additional burden on their shoulders, it can increase their awareness in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life.
For example
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,
according to
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 the survey conducted in Baku, Azerbaijan, it is
founded
Verb problem
found
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 that the art
students
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 are more
concious
Correct your spelling
conscious
 about aspects of life because they are learning not only art
subjects
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 but
also
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 math, geography and biology.
Consequently
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, They have
ability
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the ability
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 to handle challenges more efficiently. In conclusion,
while
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 being
knowledgable
Correct your spelling
knowledgeable
show examples
 about additional
subjects
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 more aware and efficient in their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 and personal life, to my way of thinking, concentrating only
their
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on their
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 profession offers greater long-term benefits. It not only
accelerate
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accelerates
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 the process of hiring
,
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apply
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 but
also
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 be expert in their own occupation.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow of your arguments. Make sure each point clearly relates to your thesis statement and supports your opinion.
task achievement
Ensure that the introduction outlines both views more clearly and connects them with your own opinion to improve task response.
task achievement
Use more specific data to strengthen your arguments. For example, provide specific figures or examples for the benefits of studying additional subjects.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and refine sentence structure for clarity and readability.
task achievement
Your thesis statement is clear, and you present both sides of the argument well before stating your opinion.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples from Baku State University and a survey that support your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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