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Band 4

Some people think that space exploration is a waste of resources, while others think that it is essential for mankind to continue to explore the universe in which we live. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #space #exploration #waste #resources #mankind #universe
It is discussed
wheter
Correct your spelling
whether
 the resources used for
space
exploration
 are wasted or
on the
contrary
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contrary,
show examples
 it is crucial for humanity to continue to explore the universe. In my personal opinion, investing
on
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in
show examples
space
exploration
 is fundamental because it is really important to invest
on
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in
show examples
 scientific research that makes us understand more about the universe in which we live. First of all, some people
agreee
Correct your spelling
agree
 with the idea that
space
exploration
 is not a waste of resources.
On the contrary
,
governements
Correct your spelling
governments
 should invest more
on
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in
show examples
scientifc
Correct your spelling
scientific
 research and
space
exploration
 because
this
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these
show examples
 science-related fields require lots of funds and it would not be possible for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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single organizations to continue their work if not for investments.
However
, not everybody has the same opinion about that because they point
that
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out that
show examples
 better solutions could be found to invest money for countries and their citizen.
Furthermore
, some people address how
space
exploration
cause
Replace the word
causes
show examples
 pollution and can damage the environment.
However
, even if rocket pollution is a problem, a possible solution
remain
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remains
show examples
 to invest more
on
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in
show examples
this
 field to discover different technologies and
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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sto
Correct your spelling
to
 travel to
space
.
For example
,
space x
Correct your spelling
Space X
show examples
 company is trying to become always more
enviromentally
Correct your spelling
environmentally
 friendly and
this
 is possible only thanks to the funds they can have access to.
To conclude
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 firmly believe that the benefits that we as mankind
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 from
space
exploration
 imply that we should continue to invest resources
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that.
Submitted by lucrezialivi on

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task achievement
You should strive for more clarity and precision in your ideas. Some points were a bit repetitive, and not all ideas were thoroughly developed. Try to ensure your arguments are well-supported with relevant examples in order to fully achieve the task response.
task achievement
There are minor spelling and grammatical errors that detract from the overall quality of your writing. Make sure to proofread your work. Also, avoid vague language such as 'some people' and 'better solutions.' Be specific when presenting your points and arguments.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, use a wider variety of linking words and phrases. While the essay was logically structured and easy to follow, more complex cohesive devices could improve the flow and connection between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, which is then thoroughly explained and supported. Some paragraphs lacked depth and details, reducing the overall effectiveness of your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Effective conclusion that reinforces your opinion, summarizing your arguments well.
introduction conclusion present
Introduction clearly outlines the issue and presents your viewpoint, setting the stage effectively for the discussion.
complete response
Attempt to present a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is essential for task response.
relevant specific examples
Use of relevant current example (SpaceX) to support your argument, which makes your point more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • astronomical costs
  • earthbound issues
  • tangible benefits
  • technological spin-offs
  • innovation
  • long-term investment
  • habitability
  • interplanetary travel
  • sustainable exploration
  • spacefaring nations
  • international collaboration
  • deep space
  • the final frontier
  • cosmic perspective
  • frontiers of science
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