1-Many people are working at home rather than in the workplace. Some people believe this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, but others suggest it will cause stress in the home. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#-many #people #home #workplace #workers #families #stress

The idea of telecommuting is a debate the first side of which advises that doing so could bring advantages to the employees and their families;

however

, the second side claims that

this

could bring about stress in the

home

While

the latter seems to be more logical, both points of view will be discussed as follows. Those supporting the notion that working from

home

could cause stress, cite that

this

could terminate

balanced

Correct article usage

a balanced

show examples

life.

Although

this

not

Add a missing verb

is not

show examples

for all people

happen

Verb problem

apply

show examples

, individuals’

home

, gradually, becomes their work environment.

This

means that striking a balance between work and daily life might become difficult. Hardships stemming from

this

issue

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

would transmit to their house.

This

, gradually, would result in anxiety and other difficulties. Workers and their

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

, in the long run, would suffer from stress. On the other side of

this

debate

Add a comma

debate,

show examples

the proponents of the perception of working from

home

would bring benefits to the workers and their families, claim if so, the flexibility of employees would be enhanced.

This

being the case,

this

allows

Correct pronoun usage

them to

show examples

balance their personal responsibilities, ranging from child fostering to running some errands.

On the contrary

, I believe

such

doing

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

tasks would inhibit doing their own jobs. With the effect of there being less supervision on them, they might not do their jobs carefully.

This

could lead to their dismissal.

Hence

this

would not bring merits to workers and their

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

Overall

, with respect to the controversy over whether it is advisable to telecommute or not, the former seems to be debunked

due to

The likelihood of being terminated from employment because of not working enough.

Submitted by ielts7683 on Thu Sep 05 2024

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task achievement

While your essay provides a complete response, it could benefit from further development of ideas and more specific examples to support your arguments.

task achievement

Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines both sides of the debate and clearly states your opinion to make it more comprehensive.

coherence cohesion

Improve the logical flow of your arguments by using more cohesive devices such as 'Firstly,' 'Moreover,' 'In contrast,' etc.

coherence cohesion

Make sure each paragraph clearly addresses one main point and is well-connected to the overall argument.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion should summarize the main points discussed and restate your opinion, bringing the essay to a coherent end.

task achievement

Your essay addresses both sides of the discussion and provides a clear stance, which is essential for this type of task.

coherence cohesion

Your language usage is appropriate and demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and grammatical structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

270 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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1-Many people are working at home rather than in the workplace. Some people believe this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, but others suggest it will cause stress in the home. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Some people say that all people should stay in full-time education until they are least 18 years old. to what extent do you agrre or disagree?

countries with a long average working day are likely to be more economically successful than other countries, but may suffer some negative social-consequences as result. Do you agree or disagree.

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?