Some people think spending a lot on birthdays and marriage celebrations is a waste of money but others think it is important to the young people and the society.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

A lot of people
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
that spending lots of
money
on birthdays and marriage
celebrations
is a waste of
money
,
otherwise
others
think it is important to the young people and the
society
.
According to
the way I see it, gifts can be a good way to show interest and
compromision
Correct your spelling
compromising
compromise
compromisation
with
others
special
Change preposition
on special
show examples
days. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
we will discuss why is important to bring gifts to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
special events, and how
this
can affect your status in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. Since the old days, people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
shown their interest in
others
by giving them
pressents
Correct your spelling
presents
,
this
could be seen as a
waist
Correct your spelling
waste
show examples
of
money
, but from my point of view,
this
is important to encourage bonds
betheen
Correct your spelling
between
family and friends. The reason
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
is because you share part of your
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
show examples
with the ones you love, and it can be used to express your feelings for them.
For example
, in the marriage
celebrations
Add a comma
celebrations,
show examples
you can give some silver coins to the couple, and
this
will represent that you want that union to be
success
Add an article
a success
show examples
.
On the other hand
, if you do not spend
money
on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
important
celebrations
, you can be seen as a mean person, who only cares about you.
This
can
also
affect the ones
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
are sharing their special day
whit
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
you, by feeling
disapointed
Correct your spelling
disappointed
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
you.
This
is because our
society
is
use
Change the form of the verb
used
show examples
to
share
Wrong verb form
sharing
show examples
what
others
have.
For example
, if you go to a birthday party without a
pressent
Correct your spelling
present
, you will be seen as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
informal person who just came to the party to eat and have fun for free. In
colnclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, spending lots of
money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
special
ocasions
Correct your spelling
occasions
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
birthdays and marriage
celebrations
not only will make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others
happy
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but will make you feel better
with
Change preposition
about
show examples
your self
Correct your spelling
yourself
show examples
and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
Submitted by pabloenriquevicente on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure you address both views more clearly and comprehensively. Additionally, further expand on your own opinion and integrate it seamlessly with your arguments.
clarity
Focus on presenting logical arguments with clear transitions. Ensure each paragraph flows naturally into the next one and that your overall essay structure enhances readability.
grammar
Correct minor grammar mistakes to enhance readability and clarity. For example, "pressents" should be "presents" and "waist" should be "waste." These small corrections can greatly improve the quality of your writing.
structure
The essay demonstrates a clear effort to provide a structured response, including an introduction and conclusion.
engagement
The use of personal examples provides a relatable and engaging discussion for the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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