IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countires women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and, therefore, do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. Do you agree or disagree?

#countires #women #people #income #security #marriage
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The minds of the female population in the world about marriage
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 changing, the outcome is that the quantity of people that choose
wedding
Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
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 is reducing all
arround
Correct your spelling
around
 the
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 we will see why
this
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 is
a
Change the article
apply
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positive and is making
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 more happy,
financial
Change the adjective
financially
show examples
 secure and improving their lives.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the cultural change of our population allows the
women
Use synonyms
elect
Fix the infinitive
to elect
show examples
 if they want to get married or not. Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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forced marriage or the pressure of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to get married is almost
inexsistent
Correct your spelling
inexistent
nonexistent
. A classical example of
that is
Linking Words
 that in our times, a woman can live all her life without
beeing
Correct your spelling
being
 married, and
that is
Linking Words
 not a shame anymore.
Thus
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, reducing
this
Linking Words
 social pressure is allowing
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 to choose if they really want to celebrate a wedding or not.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the economic independence of the
women
Use synonyms
 means that a woman
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not need to get married to secure an income. In our days, the female population is allowed to study, work, open a bank account and buy
propieties
Correct your spelling
properties
proprieties
. That was different before.
For example
Linking Words
, in Spain
the
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apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 not open a bank account until 1974.
As a result
Linking Words
, adult females at
this
Linking Words
 time can have their own money, and do not need
a men
Correct the article-noun agreement
a man
men
show examples
 for sustent. In conclusion, the descent of marriages is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good
new
Correct your spelling
news
show examples
 related
with
Change preposition
to
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 the social position of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
. At the moment,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult females can have their own sustent,
live
Correct word choice
and live
show examples
 without the
necesity
Correct your spelling
necessity
 of
a men
Correct the article-noun agreement
men
a man
show examples
 to earn money.
As a result
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 are more independent, more happy and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most important, will choose if they want to get married or not.
Submitted by pabloenriquevicente on

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task achievement
While you have addressed the task adequately, some ideas lack depth. Provide more detailed examples or elaboration to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the topic sentences of your paragraphs clearly introduce the main ideas, and make sure all sentences within a paragraph support that main idea. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structures, grammar, and word choices to enhance clarity and reduce minor errors. This will make your points clearer and more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively set the stage and summarize your arguments.
task achievement
You did well in recognizing and addressing key points related to women's financial independence and societal changes as reasons for the decline in marriage rates.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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