IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days some people have shown enthusiasms about lives on other planets. Whereas, some others do think is a waste of energy to search about it. Subsequently, there is some argues between these two sides, that government should spent some public money for looking after life on other planets or save the public money and spent it on solving the problems which these days human has caused to the earth by their doings. This essay is going to discuss about both views.

These days some people have shown
enthusiasms
Fix the agreement mistake
enthusiasm
show examples
 about lives on other
planets
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, some others do think is a waste of energy to search about it.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, there is some
argues
Replace the word
argument
show examples
 between these two sides, that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 some public
money
Use synonyms
for looking
Change preposition
to look
show examples
 after life on other
planets
Use synonyms
 or save
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
money
Use synonyms
 and
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 it on solving the
problems
Use synonyms
 which these days human
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 caused to the
earth
Use synonyms
 by their doings.
This
Linking Words
 essay is going to discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
both views. one of the biggest
problems
Use synonyms
 that these days have made people worried is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the condition of
Use synonyms
earth
Correct article usage
the earth
show examples
 is getting worse and worse and scientists are predicting that some natural
disaster
Fix the agreement mistake
disasters
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as global warming will melt all mountains of ice in
poles
Correct article usage
the poles
show examples
 soon. Eventually, some lands will drown
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 water. Doctor John
smith
Capitalize word
Smith
show examples
 a professor of Environment
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Oxford University had an interview with Fox News to explain the climates and changes soon or later’. Human doings have caused many major
problems
Use synonyms
 to the
Earth
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as global warming, air
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
, Ozone depletion and droughts. If there
wont
Add an apostrophe
won't
show examples
 be any plans for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 to stop the growth in the items I mentioned above,
this
Linking Words
earth
Use synonyms
 will no longer will
e
Correct your spelling
be
 a place to live and
humans
Change the noun form
human
show examples
 species will be extinct.’
There
Rephrase
Thereafter
show examples
after
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
many people
gather
Wrong verb form
gathered
show examples
 around and asked
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to look after life on other
planets
Use synonyms
 and the growth in the number is dramatically increasing.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, those who hardly believe in lives on other
planets
Use synonyms
 or don’t believe it at all; ask the society to agree to them to use the public
money
Use synonyms
 to solve the
Use synonyms
earth
Change noun form
earth's
show examples
problems
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of using
fussil
Correct your spelling
fossil
 fuels to produce electricity use solar panels, panels which consume rays of sun to create electricity.
However
Linking Words
, having solar panels in one country or three
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
wont
Add an apostrophe
won't
show examples
 help
Use synonyms
earth
Correct article usage
the earth
show examples
 at all
this
Linking Words
 idea
is needed
Wrong verb form
needs
show examples
 to be applied all around the world and some poor countries cannot afford the expense of these products.
Over all
Correct your spelling
Overall
show examples
, there
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been two opinions about what to
spent
Change the form of the verb
spend
show examples
 the public
money
Use synonyms
 for.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the side which thinks is
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 idea to
spent
Change the form of the verb
spend
show examples
 it on searching
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space and
planets
Use synonyms
 for life on them.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the side which
ask
Change the verb form
asks
show examples
 for changes and
facing
Wrong verb form
faces
show examples
problems
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
earth
Use synonyms
 and
find
Change the verb form
finds
show examples
 the key to them. Which I
personaly
Correct your spelling
personally
 think the first side is a better opinion than the second one.

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that hinder the clarity of your ideas. Make sure to proofread your essay to catch these mistakes.
clear comprehensive ideas
You did well in outlining two different viewpoints on the topic. However, your ideas and arguments lack depth and specific examples. Try to provide more detailed explanations and evidence for your points.
logical structure
There are multiple grammar and sentence structure errors throughout the essay. For instance, you wrote 'some argues' instead of 'some argue.' Work on sentence construction and grammar to improve clarity.
logical structure
The essay occasionally reads as disjointed because of inconsistent use of connectors and transitional phrases. Try to use more cohesive devices to link your arguments better.
relevant specific examples
Your points about global warming and renewable energy sources like solar panels are relevant, but make sure to express them clearly and support them with specific examples or statistics to strengthen your argument.
supported main points
You did a good job of laying out the two different viewpoints regarding the use of public money for space exploration versus solving Earth's problems. This clear distinction helps your readers understand the main arguments.
complete response
Your essay attempts to address an important global issue and make a point about how to allocate public funds. This contributes to the completeness of your response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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