IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#people #governments #money #life #planets #waste #earth
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These days some people have shown enthusiasm about lives on other
planets
.
Whereas
, some others do think is a waste of energy to search about it.
Subsequently
, there is some argument between these two sides, that the government should spend some public
money
 to look after life on other
planets
 or save public
money
 and spend it on solving the
problems
 which these days human have caused to the
earth
 by their doings.
This
 essay is going to discuss both views. one of the biggest
problems
 that these days have made people worried is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the condition of the
earth
 is getting worse and worse and scientists are predicting that some natural disasters
such
 as global warming will melt all mountains of ice in the poles soon. Eventually, some lands will drown in water. Doctor John Smith a professor of Environment at Oxford University had an interview with Fox News to explain the climates and changes soon or later’. Human doings have caused many major
problems
 to the
Earth
such
 as global warming, air pollution, Ozone depletion and droughts. If there
won't
Correct your spelling
aren't
be
Unnecessary verb
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any plans for the future to stop the growth in the items I mentioned above,
this
earth
 will no longer
will
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be a place to live and
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 species will be extinct.’
Thereafter
 many people gathered around and asked the government to look after life on other
planets
 and the growth in the number is dramatically increasing.
On the other hand
, those who hardly believe in lives on other
planets
 or don’t believe it at all ask
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to agree with them to use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
money
 to solve the
earth
's
problems
.
For instance
,
instead
 of using fossil fuels to produce electricity use solar panels, panels which consume rays of sun to create electricity.
However
, having solar panels in one country or three countries won't help the
earth
 at all.
This
 idea needs to be applied all around the world to be practical;
however
, some poor countries cannot afford the expense of these products.
Overall
, there have been two opinions about what to spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
.
Firstly
, the side which thinks is a good idea to spend it on searching space and
planets
 for life on them.
Secondly
, the side which asks for changes and faces
problems
 on the
earth
 and finds the key to them.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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I personally think the first side is a better opinion than the second one.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly structure your introduction with a concise summary of the topic. State both views clearly before moving on to the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, and use linking words to create smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Use more specific examples and references to enhance your arguments. For instance, mention specific initiatives or technological advancements in space exploration or environmental conservation.
task achievement
Clarify your position in the conclusion and summarize the main points of your argument. Restate your opinion in a stronger and more convincing manner.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, providing a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The language used is mostly clear and understandable, making the arguments accessible.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unprecedented opportunities
  • extraterrestrial
  • satisfy human curiosity
  • practical benefits
  • inspiring goal
  • testament to human ambition
  • pursuit of knowledge
  • critics argue
  • imprudent
  • plague Earth
  • immediate attention
  • allocated for
  • environmental conservation
  • well-being
  • quality of life
  • balanced approach
  • advancements
  • benefits for humanity
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