IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Employers should give their staff at least 4 weeks' holiday every year to make them perform better at their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#employers #staff #weeks #holiday #year #jobs
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it is often argued that the staff should get 4
week
Change to a plural noun
weeks
show examples
at
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apply
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every year to make them fresh. There are many advantages and disadvantages. In
this
 essay, I will give my opinion and discuss it in detail.
First,
the staff need to chill and relax with their family after a long year, they need power and motivation to keep going on the work because if you
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 not give them maybe bad things will happen like, they will gain depression or they will lose the motivation.
In addition
, 4
weeks
Correct your spelling
4-week
 holiday is perfect
to have
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for having
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a
Remove the article
apply
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good mental health,
also
, you can focus more
in
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on
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 your work and can think and solve problems very
good
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well
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 and
smooth
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smoothly
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.
Furthermore
. In my opinion, I actually see that the staff guys
needs
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need
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 to have a vacation to regain their power but, there are people who spend their vacation on something bad like drinking alcohol or
have
Wrong verb form
having
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party
Add an article
a party
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 so if they
came
Wrong verb form
come
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 back to work they can't focus and they do not have the same energy like people who spend their time with their families. So, it
is have
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has
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 many advantages and disadvantages In conclusion. It
is really depend
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really depends
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 on the person, if he
have
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has
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 a bad mentality he will spend the
4 week
Add a hyphen
4-week
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 vacation wrong.
Also
, the company need to see the results of 4
week
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week's
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 holiday if it benefits
overshadowing
Wrong verb form
overshadow
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 the disadvantages
then
 you can keep it like that. Whatever, it is on your hand you just need to control it perfectly.
Submitted by bcynfn159 on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your arguments with specific, relevant examples. For instance, mention evidence or studies that show the benefits of taking a 4-week vacation.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and logical progression. Use linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs smoothly to enhance cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
Add more detailed explanations to your arguments. For example, describe how a 4-week holiday can improve specific aspects of mental health and work performance.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives your essay a good structure overall.
task achievement
You present a balanced viewpoint, recognizing both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, which shows a thoughtful response to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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