IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Many young people today spend too much time.e following the latest fashion trends in areas such as clothing and technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #e #fashion #trends #areas #technology
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Globally, the younger generations seem obsessed with style and technology.
This
 essay will explain why I agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 statement by addressing the culture of Gen X,Y,
Z
Correct word choice
and Z
show examples
and their models. In the
rapidily
Correct your spelling
rapidly
 changing context of our contemporary times which speed up all our habits, the youngsters are certainly the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 more responsive. The
hyper connected
Add a hyphen
hyper-connected
show examples
 society made them always updated on the newest
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
, especially through their beloved social networks.
Moreover
, the obsolescence embedded in our devices
along with
 the new fashion trends made kids highly stimulated to buy,
for example
, the latest
Iphone
Correct your spelling
iPhone
 or the
last
Correct word choice
latest
show examples
 edition of Nike shoes. On top of that, the models of Gen X,Y,
Z
Correct word choice
and Z
show examples
are influencers, football players, pop stars, actors or just
milioners
Correct your spelling
millions
. Over the
last
 decades, taking advantage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media, these figures become references
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the most famous brands in the market.
This
 led younger people to desire constantly something that they don't have, like a t-shirt dressed by Chiara Ferragni, or the ultimate version of Play Station where Ronaldo crosses better than before. In conclusion,
due to
 the overstimulation in
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
, the
last
 generations are more exposed to
accept
Wrong verb form
accepting
show examples
 and
acquired
Wrong verb form
acquiring
show examples
 the
last
Correct word choice
latest
show examples
 product.
Submitted by ___kkkoo___ on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main idea is clearly distinct and elaborated upon in its own paragraph. This will enhance the clarity and logical progression of your argument.
task achievement
Although the essay addresses the prompt adequately, providing more specific examples and deeper analysis would strengthen your response and make your arguments more persuasive.
task achievement
Be cautious with grammar and spelling errors. For instance, 'rapidily' should be 'rapidly' and 'one more responsive' should be 'ones more responsive'. Minor grammatical refinement can enhance the overall readability.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and sets up the topic well. It provides context and outlines the essay's direction effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay, reinforcing the central argument and providing a satisfactory end.
supported main points
Your use of contemporary language and examples makes the essay relatable and engaging for the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: