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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #advantage #situation
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A significant
Correct quantifier usage
number of rice
show examples
rice
Correct your spelling
rise
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 in
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 has been noticed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
. Some countries have
low
Change the article
a low
the low
show examples
 number of citizens
while
 others
includer
Correct your spelling
include
included
a huge numbers
Correct the article-noun agreement
huge numbers
a huge number
show examples
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
. It has been stated that some nations have
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 range of
Youngsters
 in
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 Senion citizens.
This
 situation has both pros and cons. In my opinion, after analyzing the current happenings,
this
 has more drawbacks than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advantages which will be explained in the
further
 essay.
Firstly
, Youth is called warm-blood, and they are responsible for the growth of the country in the future.
For instance
, today's generation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been so advanced in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
as well as
 in
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
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 activities based on their skills.
This
 is a huge advantage of having Young people in the country which can
results
Change the verb form
result
show examples
 in the
overall
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 development.
moreover
, people believe that the young blood is the future of the world.
However
, the main drawback of having a huge number of
youngsters
 is,
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
 are not connected with the religion and the rituals.
For example
, in the modern era, juniors are
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
 in treating an elderly person nicely and respectfully. They forgot their roots and manners in show-off.
Furthermore
, we do not have enough space to build new houses for living. So, with
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
 in
population
, living expenses
are
Change the verb form
are also becoming
are also become
show examples
also
 became expensive.
To conclude
,
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 of young people is required to beat the other nations in technology and in inventions.
In contrast
, having too many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Youngsters
 may lead
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
population
 growth because of
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 dying ratio.
Overall
, after
thorough
Correct article usage
a thorough
show examples
 analysis
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the situation, it can be stated that the advantages of having a large number of
youngsters
does not
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by parmarshreya897 on

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task achievement
You should focus on grammatical accuracy, especially in sentence structure and word choice. For example, 'A significant rice in population' should be 'A significant rise in population' and 'includer a huge numbers of' should be 'include a huge number of'.
supported main points
You should provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points. For example, when discussing technology advancements, try to mention specific fields or innovations.
logical structure
Work on improving the logical flow of your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph naturally follows the previous one to make your essay more coherent.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame and wrap up your arguments effectively.
complete response
You have acknowledged both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced understanding of the topic.
logical structure
The main idea in each paragraph is identifiable, which helps in understanding your stance on the topic.
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