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Band 5

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? (Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.)

#people #life #money #answers
A large number of individuals think that the key way to be fortunate is to have heaps of cash.
Firstly
,
this
 essay will discuss how having a load of
money
 can
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
men
 blessed and
secondly
 what other items
create
Verb problem
make
show examples
 people joyful.
On the other hand
, the dough can lift the mood thanks to a satisfactory product and
also
 lead to an increase in salary for many stores. The acquisition of new goods can magnify emotion that leads to a positive sentiment in all-day.
Additionally
, the survey reports more than half of humanity is more kindly when they acquire a desired purchase.
Furthermore
, it reduces the sale of old or
last
 year's products.
Although
 tons of
men
 loudly assert that
money
 plays a crucial in the world, others attempt to convince their opinion.
Moreover
, a shedload of research informs that not only
money
 can confect kindness, but
also
 multiple concepts of life can provide a superb quality of being.
For example
, the living of wealthy
men
,
although
 they have a greater state and public respect, do not have a main in their life that can make sense of their living.
Besides
, they can eventually find their sedation even if it is complex to detect the primary reason that leads to their distasteful lifestyle.
Moreover
, to retrieve the chief problem of unpleasant living may
also
 take a long time to understand the head issue and how it can influence on solution.
In addition
, any type of agent is substantial for our community.
Overall
, the dollars easily get a large amount of opportunities thanks to
men
 who are diligently working for their lucky beings. In my mind,
money
 controls scads of items that without we can not exist comfortably and freely.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, the means of it
also
 change without any kind of prepositions.
Submitted by halilova039 on

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task response
Your essay seemed developmentally incomplete. You should organize your thoughts into clear points and support each with detailed explanations or examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearly defined introduction and conclusion. These elements help frame your arguments and guide the reader through your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly signal the main point you will be discussing. This will make the logical structure of your essay clearer and help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task response
Your essay addresses the prompt and responds to both parts of the question, discussing how money can make people happy and what other factors can contribute to happiness.
coherence cohesion
Your essay attempts to use varied vocabulary and expressions, which can make your writing more engaging.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Wealth
  • Affluence
  • Prosperity
  • Financial security
  • Opportunities
  • Options
  • Experiences
  • Enjoyment
  • Helping others
  • Generosity
  • Philanthropy
  • Achieving goals
  • Realizing dreams
  • Peace of mind
  • Reduced stress
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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