Some people believe that lessons on becoming a good parent should be included in school curriculums. Others think that it is not essential for students. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.

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According to

Linking Words

some individuals, education on becoming a good

parent

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should be added

Change preposition

show examples

Use synonyms

school

Correct article usage

the school

show examples

syllabus.

However

Linking Words

, others believe that it is not mandatory for the

students

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. I personally opine that it is beneficial

of adding

Change preposition

to add

show examples

lessons on becoming a good

parent

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in the

school

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syllabus because it helps the

students

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to become

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good

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parent

Fix the agreement mistake

parents

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. Lessons on becoming a good

parent

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provide

students

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some

Add the preposition

with some

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guidelines about how to behave, interact and communicate with children. If

students

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learn about good parenting, they will not only know how to behave well with their

offsprings

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offspring

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but

also

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with their own

parents

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. In that case, they will become more respectful and understanding to their

parents

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For example

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, some schools in the UK

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apply

show examples

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

added the lessons of good parenting in the curriculums, and approximately 70% of the

students

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are satisfied with

this

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curriculum because they believe it can help them to understand their

parent

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's psychology.

Therefore

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, I think adding parenting into

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school

Correct article usage

the school

show examples

curriculum is worthy.

In contrast

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, some people think that adding parenting

Change preposition

show examples

Use synonyms

school

Correct article usage

the school

show examples

syllabus is not useful because the age of the

school

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students

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are

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not appropriate for learning about parenting. At

these

Correct determiner usage

this

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tender age,

students

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should learn to discover their own outlooks and

potentials

Fix the agreement mistake

potential

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, and good parenting is not an appropriate lesson to learn at

this

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stage.

For instance

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, when parenting was included in the

school

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curriculums in India, around 40% of the

students

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between the

age

Fix the agreement mistake

ages

show examples

of 15 to 17 did not like it because they

think

Wrong verb form

thought

show examples

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

too early for them to learn about parenting.

However

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, I believe that if

students

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learn parenting at the very beginning stage of their life, they will become more

tolerable

Replace the word

tolerant

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

their

parents

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To conclude

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, learning parenting teaches

students

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to become well-behaved and

respecful

Correct your spelling

respectful

to their

parents

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and others. It

also

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makes them more

tolerable

Replace the word

tolerant

show examples

and understanding.

rahman_rehanaFri Sep 06 2024

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task response

To improve, provide more balanced views on the opposing opinion in the second body paragraph. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding and consideration of different perspectives.

task response

Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines both sides of the argument more explicitly and concisely.

coherence cohesion

Further develop complex sentences and varied structures to improve fluency and coherence.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps to guide the reader through your argument.

task response

Examples are provided to support points, which strengthens the argument and demonstrates an effort to justify the opinion.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the opinion, providing a clear end to the essay.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

306 words

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