IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some cities, public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own food and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #parks #spaces #gardens #residents #food #vegetables
In several cities, public
parks
 and open
spaces
 are being transformed become gardens. So, local
people
 can plant their fruits and vegetables. By doing
this
,
people
 do not have
spaces
Fix the agreement mistake
space
show examples
 anymore to use
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right way. Not only that, but
also
 public
parks
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not suitable
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 growing food. Because of that, the drawbacks are more outweigh
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the merits. In general, public
parks
 and
spaces
 were used to playing, enjoying the view of the city, or as a place to
reading
Wrong verb form
read
show examples
 a book.
For example
, Taman Kota in Jakarta can be used by the
people
 to express themselves
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there. They can
playing
Change the verb form
play
be playing
show examples
skateboard
Wrong verb form
skateboarding
show examples
,
riding
Wrong verb form
ride
show examples
 a bicycle, and
talking
Wrong verb form
talk
show examples
 to their friends with a nice view.
Furthermore
, there is a park called Taman Literasi Tiahahu which is very useful for workers if they
tired
Add a missing verb
are tired
show examples
 of their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. If these
parks
 were changed into gardens,
people
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
confused
to find
Change preposition
about finding
show examples
 a good place to relax.
Secondly
, the type of soils that open
spaces
 have are not appropriate for planting vegetables or fruits.
For instance
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
public
spaces
 in Indonesia
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a type
pavement
Change preposition
of pavement
show examples
 blocks for their ground.
However
,
people
 who live around there are
forcing
Wrong verb form
forced
show examples
 to grow some fruits like an apple.
As a result
, the apple's seeds were not growing,
instead
Add a comma
instead,
show examples
 it was dead because lack of water and the soil
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 bad. After considering
this
 view, obviously, the
diasdvantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 outweigh the advantages. Public
parks
 and open
spaces
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 built for
enjoy
Replace the word
enjoyment
show examples
 or play.
Furthermore
, it can not be a place to grow plants
due to
 the type of
soils
Fix the agreement mistake
soil
show examples
.
Nevertheless
,
people
 can still grow their own food in different areas that are more fit.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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task achievement
Improve the introduction by clearly stating the topic and providing a roadmap of the main points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one clear main idea and that the ideas follow a logical sequence.
task achievement
Strengthen your arguments with more detailed and varied examples.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and linking phrases to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and provides both advantages and disadvantages related to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively sums up the essay and reiterates the main points.
task achievement
The essay includes specific examples to illustrate points, such as the mention of parks in Jakarta and the soil types in Indonesia.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Community engagement
  • Public health
  • Physical activity
  • Educational opportunities
  • Sustainability
  • Urban greening
  • Heat island effect
  • Air quality
  • Biodiversity
  • Recreational activities
  • Maintenance challenges
  • Allocation of responsibilities
  • Social inequality
  • Garden plots
  • Fairness concerns
What to do next:
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