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Band 5

The increase in the elderly population makes it difficult for taxpayers. What should be the solution?

#population #taxpayers
With the
developement
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development
 of science,
health
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the health
show examples
 system has made
a
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apply
show examples
huge progress as well. Thanks to
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 health system,
people
 can live longer.
Instead
 of paying
taxes
, old
people
 take
money
 from the government.
For
this
 reason,
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 of elderly population is caused
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 great responsibilities for
taxepayer
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taxpayer
taxpayers
. Governments should have
startegic
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strategic
 future plans to increase
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
people
of
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apply
show examples
population, with the support of having babies.
Most
Correct article usage
The most
show examples
 important
causes
Fix the agreement mistake
cause
show examples
 of
great
Add an article
a great
the great
show examples
 burden on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young citizens is
distribution
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the distribution
a distribution
show examples
 of
money
.
Elderly
Correct article usage
The elderly
show examples
 need
money
 to live. Governments get benefits from young
people
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people's
show examples
taxes
 when supporting old
people
's lives.
Therefore
,
taxes
 are spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 elder care,
instead
 of other needs of
country
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the country
show examples
,
such
 as
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 education system,
environmental
Correct word choice
and environmental
show examples
 issues. For that
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
taxes
 are getting higher and difficult to pay. The best solution is
sustain
Fix the infinitive
to sustain
show examples
 the age balance of
population
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the population
show examples
. Especially young
people
 can be
encoureged
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encouraged
 to
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a baby.
However
, it is a
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 strategic plan for
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country
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country's
show examples
 future. To be
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 governments should provide support for young families.
Such
 as reliable kindergarten or financial support for parents. Decreasing in
taxes
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
 can
also
 be
great
Change the article
a great
show examples
 deal for new parents.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 some EU countries have special
taxes
Fix the agreement mistake
tax
show examples
 rates for new parents, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
increasing
Add an article
the increasing
an increasing
show examples
 number of new babies.
To sum up
, in order to decrease
Correct article usage
the responsibilites
show examples
responsibilites
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
responsibility
 of
taxepayers
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 invest
money
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 young generations. In
this
 way, in future when increasing number of old
people
,
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 who will pay
taxes
 will
also
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
show examples
 and
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 of
taxes
 can be distributed equally.
Submitted by xxxx17 on

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task response
Ensure your thesis statement clearly reflects your essay's main argument. Currently, it only hints at the solution without clearly stating it.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your paragraphs in a clearer structure. Start with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea of each paragraph and ensure all sentences relate to that main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Work on sentence variety and avoid repetition. Use synonyms and different sentence structures to make the writing more engaging.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points. The example you provided about EU countries is good, but more detailed examples will strengthen your argument.
task response
Pay attention to grammar and spelling to improve readability. For instance, 'developement' should be 'development', and 'startegic' should be 'strategic'.
task response
The essay addresses the prompt well and suggests a viable solution for the issue at hand.
task response
You’ve presented a well-rounded argument and included several reasons to support your solution.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and do help in framing your argument, providing a sense of completeness.
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