IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that cities are the best places to live. Others prefer to live in a rural area. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The debate over whether
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 or
Use synonyms
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 is a better place to live is ongoing, with some viewing them merely
cities
Correct word choice
as cities
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 are better,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that living in
Use synonyms
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 more merit. Both perspectives have valid points and understanding these viewpoints is crucial in forming a balanced opinion. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand,
people
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 prefer to live in
urband
Correct your spelling
urban
areas
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 as they can experience various things and live a convenient life compared to the
countryside
Use synonyms
. In the
Use synonyms
city
Add a comma
city,
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 there are many facilities like schools, academies and gyms which make
people
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 easier to learn things and a good environment for children to experience.
In addition
Linking Words
 as public facilities and service is well constructed in the
city
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such
Linking Words
 as CCTV,
road
Fix the agreement mistake
roads
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 and transportation, it is fast and comfortable to reach the service we want.
For instance
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, it is convenient and safe for students to go to school as roads are well-made and there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 a lot of transportation they can use.
On the other hand
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, there are
people
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 who think
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countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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 is better to live as we can live a healthy life. First of all, the environment is really clean as there are lots of mountains and lakes around us having less traffic.
Due to
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 reduced air and noise
pollutions
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pollution
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, we can stay healthy physically and mentally as we don't get stressed compared to
people
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 in the
city
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.
Additionally
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, fewer
people
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 stay in the rural
areas
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 than
urban
Change preposition
in urban
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areas
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 which means we can make good relationships
which
Correct your spelling
with
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 our neighbors
whereas
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 in the
city
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people
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 tend to move individually. We can share things with each other and get some help from
people
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 from next door which makes a healthy relationship that will make us stay healthy mentally.
To conclude
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, I would like to say that it will be better to live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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urban
areas
Use synonyms
 as we can experience and earn knowledge in a convenient way.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 a lot of
people
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 are moving
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 the
city
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 and
due to
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 the decline of working ages in the
countryside
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, facilities like
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 are decreasing.
Thus
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 it would be hard to stay in the rural
areas
Use synonyms
 as there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 relatively nothing left unless it's going to be developed in the future.
However
Linking Words
, it will depend upon the mindsets of
people
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that
Correct word choice
and
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 which view they are in favour of.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, consider using more specific and diverse examples to support your arguments. Instead of saying 'public facilities and service is well constructed,' specify how they ease daily life with examples like emergency services, entertainment options, etc.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, try using more transitional phrases and ensuring there's a smooth flow between paragraphs and ideas. For example, instead of starting a sentence abruptly with 'Additionally, fewer people stay,' use a phrase like 'Furthermore, the rural setting fosters closer community ties because fewer people stay there.'
coherence cohesion
Review and revise sentence structures to avoid awkward phrasing such as 'the debate over whether city or countryside is a better place to live is ongoing, with some viewing them merely cities are better.' A more fluid version would be: 'The debate over whether it's better to live in the city or the countryside is ongoing, with strong arguments on both sides.'
coherence cohesion
You’ve made good use of paragraphs and organized the essay logically with separate sections for different viewpoints and your own opinion.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt adequately, discussing both views and providing a personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and effective in framing the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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