IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that
people
Use synonyms
 who wish to
smoke
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 should have to leave the building
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 now it is illegal to
smoke
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 in public
places
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. I think it is very good on one
hand
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 and may have some negative aspects
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Use synonyms
. Every cloud has its silver lining. On the one
Use synonyms
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 it is really good that now it is illegal to
smoke
Use synonyms
 in public
places
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. It can impact badly for our bodies and our nature.
First,
Linking Words
people
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 who do not like cigarettes do not need to worry about which place to visit.
Second,
Linking Words
breathing
smoke
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 might be even more dangerous than smoking at all.
For example
Linking Words
, my friend has health problems and we had to look for
a
Correct article usage
apply
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special cafes all the time. Now smoking in public
places
Use synonyms
 is forbidden
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it is much easier. I think it is good.
Thus
Linking Words
, avoiding smoking helps to protect our health and save time for
people
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 with some illnesses.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
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,
such
Linking Words
 rules might have negative results.
People
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 who used to
smoke
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 everywhere might be angry
of
Change preposition
about
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 that and refuse to visit
places
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 where
is it
Correct word order
it is
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 totally forbidden. Quite often, I hear unsatisfied thoughts from my friends.
More over
Use the right word
Moreover
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, they call
such
Linking Words
 country rules as discrimination. As an example, I heard a small talk where two
persons
Check wording
people
show examples
 were smoking and talking. One of them
told
Verb problem
said
show examples
 that it is not fair that
people
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 who wish to
smoke
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 should have to leave the building.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the fact that it is illegal to
smoke
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 in public
places
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 in many countries has good and bad sides.

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structure
State your view in the intro in one clear line.
content
Make one strong reason with a real example.
coherence
Use better link words like also, but, and so.
grammar
Check grammar and spell errors.
structure
End with a short conclusion that restates your view.
content
Gives both sides of the argument.
structure
Has a clear 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' form.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • secondhand smoke
  • respiratory problems
  • cardiovascular disease
  • clean air
  • public health
  • hospital admissions
  • economic benefits
  • smoking cessation
  • cultural shift
  • healthcare costs
  • smoke-free laws
  • enforcement
  • designated smoking areas
  • compliance
  • social attitudes
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