IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #smoke #places #people
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Nowadays it is
illigal
Correct your spelling
illegal
 to smoke in public places in many countries all around the world. It is said that smokers have to leave the building not to interfere with other, non-smoking
people
. I would agree with
such
point
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a point
show examples
 of view and in the next paragraphs will detail my opinion. First of all, smoking kills.
Moreover
, it can be dangerous not only for the smoking person
,
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apply
show examples
 but even for their surroundings. Researches show that passive smoking can bring even more harm to the innocent person, than to the smoker. In my opinion, public smoking looks a lot like depriving the choice
from
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of
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 the other - of
course
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course,
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 you can stay away from the smoker, but the scent and
consenquenses
Correct your spelling
consequences
 will catch you up.
Thus
people
 around have no other option but
poison
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to poison
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 themselves with
a
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apply
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nicotine. Second of all, I would not limit public
place
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places
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 only to the buildings. It
as well
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also
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 includes parks,
zoo
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zoos
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, railway
station
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stations
show examples
, airports and so on. My biggest concern is that public smoking can be extremely dangerous for
the
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apply
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pregnant women, kids and elders.
Nevertheless
, you never know if the person you smoke near
with
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apply
show examples
has some disease. In general, there
are
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apply
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should be separate smoking areas, where you can relax and not
to
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apply
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bring any harm to
the
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apply
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non-smoking
people
.
To conclude
, I must say that your personal poor health and life choices should not affect other
people
 who clearly chose
more
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a more
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 healthy lifestyle. And I wish that nicotine
got
Verb problem
was
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 displayed in the media as a poison and a way to get
a
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apply
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cancer, not as an aesthetic
stress-relief
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stress relief
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. That`s why smoking in public areas should remain banned.
Submitted by helgavitalivna on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific and varied examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your essay. Although it is mostly clear, some points could be better organized and connected to improve the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
Your response is comprehensive and addresses the topic well, showing a good understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • secondhand smoke
  • respiratory problems
  • cardiovascular disease
  • clean air
  • public health
  • hospital admissions
  • economic benefits
  • smoking cessation
  • cultural shift
  • healthcare costs
  • smoke-free laws
  • enforcement
  • designated smoking areas
  • compliance
  • social attitudes
What to do next:
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