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Band 5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#plans #show #park #first #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The two sites of the garden plans above illustrate a public
park
 named Grange
Park
, which was first opened in 1920 and its transformation in the current time. In 1920, the rose garden was located on the right and left side of the entrance.
However
, it has got a big overhaul in the current day which turned them on the right into a Cafe. Meanwhile, in the middle of Grange
Park
, the water fountain had been turned massively into a big rose garden that provides 4 seats that have already been moved from the past 1920 to enjoy the view of them. The stage for musicians had an extreme modification that turned out into an Amphitheatre for a concert which has a bigger venue.
Also
, the glass house had been removed, and it has been replaced by a water feature. Meanwhile, the entrances remain the same as they are located on Arnold Avenue and Eldon Street. To summarize, Grange
Park
 has been changed a lot, and all of the buildings were removed and modified to provide better facilities.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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task achievement
Try to improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. For example, specify more details about how the park's features have changed over the years.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing smoother transitions between points to improve logical flow. Using cohesive devices such as 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' or 'In addition' can help create a better flow between sentences.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, consider making them a bit stronger. A more engaging introduction and a more comprehensive conclusion can make a significant difference.
task achievement
You have provided a good description of the main changes in Grange Park from 1920 to the present day.
task achievement
The comparison between the two different time periods is clear, and you have successfully identified the major changes.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure that follows a consistent pattern, which helps in understanding the changes clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alterations
  • renovations
  • modernize
  • upgraded
  • transformed
  • landscaping
  • facilities
  • amenities
  • preservation
  • heritage
  • green spaces
  • eco-friendly
  • public space
  • community impact
  • historical elements
  • conservation
  • recreational areas
  • urban planning
  • sustainable development
  • layout
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