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Writing Samples
Band 4

the graph shows the income of four cafes in New york over last year. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comaparisons where relevant.

the graph shows the income of four cafes in New york over last year. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comaparisons where relevant.
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The illustration depicts the annual
income
Use synonyms
 of four different cafes in New York for the previous year.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen from the diagram that the
income
Use synonyms
 of
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 cafes except the tea room has increased.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 the tea room had
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
income
Use synonyms
 during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most months of the year, it seems to
has
Change the verb
have
show examples
 dropped dramatically in November and December.
Sales
Use synonyms
 of Wifi-Cafe and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Cafe Cool increased significantly
at the end
Linking Words
 of the year
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
 happened to the tea room profits.
However
Linking Words
 the Internet Express had
Correct article usage
a graduall
show examples
graduall
Correct your spelling
gradually
gradual
 fall
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the first half, but
sales
Use synonyms
 seemed to
pick-up
Correct your spelling
pick up
show examples
 afterwards indicating a gradual increase over the rest six months. Wifi-Cafe has been able to record the highest
sales
Use synonyms
 with an
income
Use synonyms
 of $190,000
while
Linking Words
 the lowest
sales
Use synonyms
 were from
cafe cool
Correct your spelling
Cafe Cool
show examples
 with an
income
Use synonyms
 of around 10,000 dollars. Profits of Cafe Cool always fluctuated wildly but the trend seemed to be upwards.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words income, sales with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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