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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people nowadays are concerned about the level of air pollution created by the number of people using air travel. They suggest it may be safer for people to use alternative forms of transportation such as road transport. To what extent do you agree that travel by road may be the safer option?

The level of
air
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 has increased over time.
As a result
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
air
Use synonyms
 transportation has a big impact on it,
also
Linking Words
 it is riskier than roads.
However
Linking Words
, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view, as
air
Use synonyms
 transportation is not the main cause of
pollution
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
road
Use synonyms
accidents
Use synonyms
 is more frequent than airs, meaning that
road
Use synonyms
 transportation is riskier than airs. The main reason why
people
Use synonyms
 feel that the
air
Use synonyms
 is contaminated is because the level of
pollution
Use synonyms
 is higher than the environment can handle.
Trees
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role in the filtering process, as
people
Use synonyms
 often call them the
lung
Fix the agreement mistake
lungs
show examples
 of the world.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, the distance of
air
Use synonyms
 travel is far enough, meaning that the waste is
spreaded
Correct your spelling
spread
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
, the
trees
Use synonyms
 can decompose
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
before making the
pollution
Use synonyms
 worse.
For instance
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 were
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 from Indonesia to Japan,
plane
Fix the agreement mistake
planes
show examples
 generated waste along the trip.
This
Linking Words
 waste can be purified by the
trees
Use synonyms
 from the countries passed, as the
number
Use synonyms
 of
trees
Use synonyms
 is increased
along with
Linking Words
 the distance. The main reason for the bad quality of
air
Use synonyms
 is the factories in the cities. Especially when the
number
Use synonyms
 of factories is too many compared with the size of the cities. Regarding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
safety, given the
number
Use synonyms
 of
road
Use synonyms
 and
air
Use synonyms
accidents
Use synonyms
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
roads is higher than the
airs
Fix the agreement mistake
air
show examples
. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 is measured by dividing the
number
Use synonyms
 of
accidents
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the total
number
Use synonyms
 of trips. Having
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher
percentage
Use synonyms
 means that it is more likely to happen.
For example
Linking Words
, recorded bus
accidents
Use synonyms
 in 2014
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 100 from 1000 trips and plane
accidents
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 5 from 100 trips.
People
Use synonyms
 can draw a conclusion using these data that
road
Use synonyms
accidents
Use synonyms
 have
10
Correct article usage
a 10
show examples
% possibility and
air
Use synonyms
accidents
Use synonyms
 have
5
Correct article usage
a 5
show examples
% possibility.
Therefore
Linking Words
, planes are safer than buses. In conclusion,
air
Use synonyms
 travel is not the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
pollution
Use synonyms
 as long as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 keep the
number
Use synonyms
 of
trees
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, after analyzing the accident data we can conclude that
air
Use synonyms
 travel is safer than roads.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, but some ideas could be developed more fully. Consider adding more depth to your arguments to enhance clarity and understanding.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try using a wider range of cohesive devices. Also, make sure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
task achievement
Your examples were relevant, but they could be more specific and detailed. More specific and varied examples would strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and present, providing a good structure to your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt well, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have used a logical structure that makes it easy to follow your main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Environmental pollution
  • Emissions
  • Greenhouse gases
  • Safety records
  • Accident rates
  • Fatalities
  • Infrastructure
  • Congestion
  • Maintenance
  • Economic implications
  • Feasibility
  • Practicality
  • Convenience
  • Alternative forms of transportation
  • Fuel consumption
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