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Writing Samples
Band 5

There is a lot of pressure and stress in many people's lives. What are the causes of this problem? What could be done to reduce it?

Over the
last
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 few decades,the
rate
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pf
Correct your spelling
of
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stress
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 has risen dramatically in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
That is
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 to say,the majority of
people
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 may deal with some serious pressure in their
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.In
this
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 essay,I will present some reasons for
this
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 issue and I will
also
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 propose some effective solutions. Let's begin by looking at some reasons for
stress
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 in
this
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life
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.
Firstly
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,financial problems
is
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are
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 the key issue that some
people
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 may deal with
it
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apply
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which can lead to
stress
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.
This
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 is because
,
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apply
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the economic circumstance is so complicated in some nations and
people
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 might not be able to afford their costs.
Hence
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,the
rate
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 of
concerning
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concern
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 will increase in
this
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 situation.
Secondly
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,the level of
crime
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 is climbing in some countries.By way of an example,burglary.Clearly,if
people
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 live in a safe place,they will be more peaceful and unworried. Turning to the side of solutions,the way forward to
this
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 issue is
the
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for the
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governmnet
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government
 should improve the economic situation in order to
decrase
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decrease
 the costs of
life
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 in some nations.In
this
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 case,not only can
people
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 save a considerable amount of money,but
also
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 they can reduce their
stress
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.
Moreover
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,to tackle the problem of
crime
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,the government should create some new jobs for juveniles so as to plummet the
rate
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 of
crime
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 in some regions.Generally speaking,if
people
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 do not
do
Verb problem
commit
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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,they will make society more calm and happier.
To conclude
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,there is no doubt that
people
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 may feel a substantial amount of
stress
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 and tension in their
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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due to
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 the lack of money and
also
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increase
Correct article usage
the increase
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 in the
rate
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 of
crime
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.
However
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,these issues can be addressed by creating some jobs and dropping the costs of living.
As a consequence
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,these problems will remain unchanged unless the government allocate its attention to
this
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 situation.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your ideas are clearly explained and are fully developed. Include more relevant and detailed examples to support your points, rather than general statements. For example, instead of simply stating that financial problems lead to stress, you could discuss how the inability to pay for basic necessities like housing, healthcare, and education directly affects mental wellbeing.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to show the relationship between points. For example, phrases like 'as a result,' 'in addition,' and 'furthermore' can help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
The essay begins with a clear introduction that outlines the main issues related to stress and pressure in people's lives, which gives the reader a good idea of what to expect. This is crucial for setting up the structure of the essay.
task achievement
Clear conclusion that summarizes the main points and offers solutions effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure in your essay, presenting causes first and solutions later, which makes it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
personal strength
You have a good command of English and are able to express your ideas clearly.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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