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Band 5

There is a lot of pressure and stress in many people's lives. What are the causes of this problem? What could be done to reduce it?

#pressure #stress #people #lives
Over the
last
 few decades,the
rate
pf
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
stress
 has risen dramatically in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
That is
 to say,the majority of
people
 may deal with some serious pressure in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.In
this
 essay,I will present some reasons for
this
 issue and I will
also
 propose some effective solutions. Let's begin by looking at some reasons for
stress
 in
this
life
.
Firstly
,financial problems
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the key issue that some
people
 may deal with
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
which can lead to
stress
.
This
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the economic circumstance is so complicated in some nations and
people
 might not be able to afford their costs.
Hence
,the
rate
 of
concerning
Replace the word
concern
show examples
 will increase in
this
 situation.
Secondly
,the level of
crime
 is climbing in some countries.By way of an example,burglary.Clearly,if
people
 live in a safe place,they will be more peaceful and unworried. Turning to the side of solutions,the way forward to
this
 issue is
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
governmnet
Correct your spelling
government
 should improve the economic situation in order to
decrase
Correct your spelling
decrease
 the costs of
life
 in some nations.In
this
 case,not only can
people
 save a considerable amount of money,but
also
 they can reduce their
stress
.
Moreover
,to tackle the problem of
crime
,the government should create some new jobs for juveniles so as to plummet the
rate
 of
crime
 in some regions.Generally speaking,if
people
 do not
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
,they will make society more calm and happier.
To conclude
,there is no doubt that
people
 may feel a substantial amount of
stress
 and tension in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
due to
 the lack of money and
also
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
 in the
rate
 of
crime
.
However
,these issues can be addressed by creating some jobs and dropping the costs of living.
As a consequence
,these problems will remain unchanged unless the government allocate its attention to
this
 situation.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your ideas are clearly explained and are fully developed. Include more relevant and detailed examples to support your points, rather than general statements. For example, instead of simply stating that financial problems lead to stress, you could discuss how the inability to pay for basic necessities like housing, healthcare, and education directly affects mental wellbeing.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to show the relationship between points. For example, phrases like 'as a result,' 'in addition,' and 'furthermore' can help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
The essay begins with a clear introduction that outlines the main issues related to stress and pressure in people's lives, which gives the reader a good idea of what to expect. This is crucial for setting up the structure of the essay.
task achievement
Clear conclusion that summarizes the main points and offers solutions effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure in your essay, presenting causes first and solutions later, which makes it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
personal strength
You have a good command of English and are able to express your ideas clearly.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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