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Band 5

Air travel is one of the main reasons for increasing air pollution these days. So restricting air travel is the only way to prevent air pollution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#air #travel #pollution
Is the increasing
air
 pollution caused by
air
travel
? At some point, the only way to put a stop to
this
 is to restrain
air
travel
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss why the
restriction
 of
air
travel
 can have a good
impact
 on the environment, but why it can eventually be economically disadvantageous.
Firstly
, the main benefit of the
restriction
 of
air
travel
 is to lessen the negative
impact
 on the environment,specifically the increasing
air
 pollution.
For example
, an aeroplane is a vehicle that uses jet fuel or kerosene to be able to fly, and its burning contributes directly to global greenhouse gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 and
further
damaged
Wrong verb form
damages
show examples
 our planet. Clearly,
this
 is one of the reasons that many people would agree to the
restriction
 of
air
travel
 as it
gives
Verb problem
has
show examples
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
impact
 on
Add an article
the earth
show examples
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
.
However
, there were
also
 negative impacts of constricted
air
travel
 as it is the fastest way of going to different places in a short period of time.
For instance
, people nowadays are fond of travelling abroad but the ticket is more expensive than land or sea
travel
. Despite the cost, travellers still choose to fly a plane because of the time spent on land and sea
travel
.
In addition
, the use of
this
 has
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 contribution to the progressive status of the economy. It is evident that it has a big
impact
 contribution to the economic
progree
Correct your spelling
progress
 of the world. In conclusion,
this
 essay showed that the
restriction
 of
air
travel
 will benefit the environment
while
 total disbandment will have a negative
impact
 on the state.
However
, I prefer to continue the use of
air
travel
 as it gives us a convenient manner of travelling.
Submitted by rodadoctor2 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the clarity and coherence of your essay, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is thoroughly developed. For instance, expand on the economic disadvantages with more specific examples.
task achievement
Although your essay responds well to the prompt, further elaborate on some points to strengthen your argument. Provide clear and detailed examples to support your statements.
task achievement
Work on grammatical accuracy and precision in language use to ensure that your ideas are conveyed clearly and effectively. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and punctuation.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction sets a good context for the discussion and presents the thesis statement clearly.
logical structure
There is a logical flow in your essay, moving from discussing environmental benefits to economic disadvantages.
introduction conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively, bringing the essay to a coherent end.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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