IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie chart shows the online sales for retail sectors in Canada in the year 2019 & 2020. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant write at least 150 words

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie chart shows the online sales for retail sectors in Canada in the year 2019 & 2020. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant write at least 150 words
#minutes #sales #sectors #canada #year #information #features #comparisons
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On the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 pie chart display
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 an illustration of the comparison
retail
Change preposition
of retail
show examples
sectors
 which are electronics appliances, groceries, home and kitchen, and clothing
at
Change preposition
for
show examples
 two years (2019 & 2020) in Canada.
Overall
, the online
sales
 for the four
sectors
 changed significantly.
While
 in 2020 groceries and electronic appliances increased, but the other two
sectors
 fell. In 2019, the chart of online
sales
 of groceries was 14%, but rose in 2020 was 22%.
And the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
percentage
 for online
sales
 of electronics
same
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
went up by 26% from 19% in 2019.
In contrast
, the other sector decreased
percentage
 of the online
sales
. The most dramatic
decreased
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
 in the home and kitchen retail stores,
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
a percentage
show examples
 from the chart.
While
this
 figure was just over 25% of the total online
sales
 from these four
sectors
 in 2019, it fell to just 11% in 2020. In
percentage
Add a comma
percentage,
show examples
 there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
also
Correct article usage
a decresed
show examples
decresed
Correct your spelling
decrease
in
clothing
Add an article
the clothing
show examples
 sector, from 38% in 2019 to 22% in 2020.
Submitted by novendyevan122 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sectors, sales, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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