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Band 4.5

parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#parents #pressure #children #development
Nowadays
parents
 think their
children
 must be
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 in every moment. In order to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 the pinnacle
postion
Correct your spelling
position
 in their life ,
parents
 foster
children
 to do
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of things . I think
pressure
Add an article
the pressure
show examples
 on their
children
 leads to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
detrimental effects on
children
 rather than the
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
 aspect.
Firstly
, one of the significant
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 for people who put
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of
pressure
 is
that
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 social status. To be more precise, nowadays competition
between
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the community has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased ,
thus
 guardians
thing
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
 that attaining
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 rate
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 education and
achiveing
Correct your spelling
achieving
 other
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities that will give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
honour in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, not only to the
adalocents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
 but
also
 to them in society. In order to get
such
 kind of things
parents
 order to do
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
workloads
Change preposition
of workloads
show examples
 that can not be
tolerable
Replace the word
tolerated
show examples
 by students.
For instance
, my friend
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not well at
dance
Add an article
the dance
a dance
show examples
 but her mother likes
dance
Add the particle
to dance
show examples
 , so she took her to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dance
 class day and night but she can not
dance
 well
due to
the
Change the word
her
show examples
 lack of interest. I think, putting
pressure
 on the
children
willl
Correct your spelling
will
 affect dramatically on their mental health.
In other words
, when
parents
 always comply to study that badly
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
 them since it gives
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of mental
pressure
 it may
be leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to danger for their lives
also
 .
For example
,
last
 week I saw
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
news on social media,
a
Correct word choice
that a
show examples
girl
Correct pronoun usage
who attempt
show examples
attempt
Replace the word
attempted
show examples
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
suicide
as
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 she
coundn't
Correct your spelling
couldn't
 enter the medicine .
Furthurmore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, students
likely
Add a missing verb
are likely
show examples
 to be engaging in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
illegal activities
such
 as cheating in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exams and blaming
the
Change the word
their
show examples
parents
, which activities
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
endengerd
Correct your spelling
endangered
 for their lives.
For instance
, if
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 student catching
while
 he is cheating in the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 exams in my country they
banned
Wrong verb form
ban
show examples
 to sit
Add an article
the exam
an exam
show examples
exam
Fix the agreement mistake
exams
show examples
. for 5 years.
To conclude
,
parents
putting on
Wrong verb form
put
show examples
 so
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 stress on their
children
due to
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 personal status , but it
cause
Verb problem
apply
show examples
always negative impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
chilren
Correct your spelling
children
 since that leads to
youngesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 in a negative way. So,
parents
 should take some feasible measures to tackle these kinds of mistakes in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 life.
Submitted by jivenica1998 on

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Grammar and Vocabulary
Work on refining your grammar and vocabulary to avoid repetitive phrasing and small inaccuracies.
Task Achievement
While you provided examples, they could be more relevant and diversified. Try to include a broader range of specific examples to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas. Connecting sentences or bridge ideas can help to make your argument more cohesive.
Coherence and Cohesion
You provided a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
Your main ideas and arguments are clear, and you touched upon several valid points regarding the negative impacts of parental pressure.
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