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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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Individuals move away from their close relationships for the sake of work and to get more opportunities. Many
people
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 argue, that they migrate to achieve the objectives of life.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 think that they should stay with their family. In my view, the drawbacks of
this
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 development are more than its benefits and I will provide relevant arguments related to my claim in the given paragraphs. To commence with the advantages,
people
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 think that when they migrate from one place to another there will be so many opportunities waiting for them. They have a firm belief in their abilities they perform their tasks.
For instance
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, I have seen a lot of
people
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 who have the potential to work hard but the
people
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 around them are not supportive and their friends or
families
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 always try to degrade them.
However
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, when they get out of
this
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 zone they make new friends and they live in an environment which is good for their future.
Thus
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, they work hard
and
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apply
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they get more belief in themselves and they become more confident.
On the other hand
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, the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. When a person migrates from his home there are so many problems waiting for him. The problems related to health and education. At home, they get a diet with healthy ingredients.
Furthermore
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, if they face problems related to their studies, they have the emotional support of their
families
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.
For example
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, when
people
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 live far away from their
families
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 they have to cook for themselves. So, they waste a lot of their time cooking and they don't get the desired results.
To sum up
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, in my point of view the drawbacks are more than the benefits and I believe that
people
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 should live with their
families
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 and they should achieve success with their
families
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 and friends because the presence of their
families
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 will always provide them confidence.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and provides a balanced analysis of both advantages and disadvantages of migrating for work. However, you could strengthen your arguments by including more specific examples and expanding on them in greater detail.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are generally clear and the essay follows a logical structure. Nevertheless, you can improve coherence and cohesion by using more varied and precise linking words and phrases to connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Introduce each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarises the main point you will discuss. This will help your reader follow your argument better and will enhance the flow of your essay.
introduction
Your introduction is clear and presents the topic effectively, outlining both sides of the argument.
examples
You have provided some relevant examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarises your main points and clearly states your stance on the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
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