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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows what anthropology graduate fron one university did after finishing their undergarduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologyist in work after five years.

The chart below shows what anthropology graduate fron one university did after finishing their undergarduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologyist in work after five years.
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While
Linking Words
 the pie chart shows the percentage of destination of
anthropology
Use synonyms
 who graduate, the table demonstrates how their income varied after 5 years of employment. What grabs attention is that a large percentage of
Anthropology
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 obtained full-time employment. The pie chart shows,
no
Correct word choice
that no
show examples
Anthropology
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 were nearly as finished as Full-time, with 52% of the students graduating.
Then
Linking Words
, it was followed by both part-time and unemployed groups at 15% and 12%
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
turn. Not know had the same percentage as Full-time postgrad study groups. The rest of the pie chart/it was involved Part-time work postgrad study which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
included one out of twenty. Turning into the table,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
reveals that 50% of
anthropology
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 were employed in the public sector and made an average salary of over $ 100,000, as opposed to /
in comparison
Correct your spelling
compared
show examples
 with 40% and 30% of their peers who worked as Freelance consultants and Private companies. The average salary for 20% of
graduates
Use synonyms
 who work in the public sector and do freelance was between $25,000 and $74,999 as same as 45% of the private businesses.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words anthropology, graduates with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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