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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. More and more people are buying food that is ready to eat rather than choosing to eat home-cooked food. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#minutes #people #food #development
Across the globe, over the past years, ready-made
food
 has been preferred
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to meals prepared at home.
This
 essay will shed light and give an opinion on
this
 by looking at two aspects: free
time
 and
food
 quality.
To begin
 with, in our
ectic
Correct your spelling
hectic
 times, it is true that we try to save as much
time
 as possible by even eating already prepared
food
.
For example
, more and more
professionists
Correct your spelling
professionals
 prefer to go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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restaurants or to buy something at the supermarket
instead
 of using their lunch break
time
for going
Change preposition
to go
show examples
 home and eat at home.
However
, quite often there is no
time
 for all of
this
. The most doable possibility is to dedicate the weekend to
prepare
Wrong verb form
preparing
show examples
 several
lunch-boxes
Correct your spelling
lunch boxes
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 for the
overall
 week. Certainly,
this
save
Correct subject-verb agreement
saves
show examples
time
, but to the detriment of more enjoying activities
such
 as watching a movie with our relatives or playing sports. The downsides of a meal that has not been cooked in our kitchen reside in the ingredients' quality.
For example
, if we read the label of any pizza at the
supermaket
Correct your spelling
supermarket
, beyond wheat, mozzarella, tomato and oil, there are many other elements like flavours,
as well as
 codes and numbers. In fact, it is known that these products are made by using a lot of
addictives
Correct your spelling
additives
show examples
 which allow them to be more tasty and better preserved for many months in the freezer. Another aspect is that they contain a lot of sugar and fat compared to the ones we would use in our dishes. For both of these reasons, the
so called
Add a hyphen
so-called
show examples
 processed
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
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 are not very beneficial for our bodies because they can increase
tumors
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tumours
show examples
 and
hearth related
Correct your spelling
heart-related
show examples
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
 many people prefer to save
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time
 by not preparing their
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
, they should take
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 consideration the big
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
 that those
product
Change the determiner
products
show examples
 provoke on their health.
Submitted by ___kkkoo___ on

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task achievement
Your essay responds well to the task and touches upon the key points of time-saving and food quality. However, try to include more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve your coherence by ensuring that your paragraphs flow smoothly. For instance, the transition between discussing time-saving and the drawbacks related to ingredients could be smoother.
task achievement
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that detract from the clarity of your ideas. Proofread your essay to correct these mistakes - for example, 'ectic' should be 'hectic', ‘quite often there is no time for all of this’ could be ‘often, there is no time for cooking at home’ etc.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader follow your argument effectively.
supported main points
Your main points are relevant to the topic and well-supported with examples, enhancing the clarity and persuasiveness of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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