Nowadays more and more people are using smartphones and computers to communicate, so they are losing the ability to communicate with each other face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?
In
this
modern world, a big part of the population in the world using their smartphones to communicate with friends, family and also
, in
their job. Change preposition
apply
Likewise
, we are not having a
real human interaction. In my opinion, Correct article usage
apply
this
is a true affirmation and in this
essay
I will Add a comma
essay,
axplain
why.
Correct your spelling
explain
Firstly
, the advance of technology has impacted very deep in our life . As a result
, people found their phones as an essential part in
their routine. Change preposition
of
Furthermore
, the instantanious
communication that Correct your spelling
instantaneous
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
give
us is very convenient to save time and costs. Change the verb form
gives
In
Change preposition
On
other
hand, we are Correct article usage
the other
loosing
the real human connection Correct your spelling
losing
such
as body language or face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
face
interaction. For instance
, an article from TIMES magazine affirms that adults expend
8 hours a day Verb problem
spend
in
their screens, and the demand increasing year by year.
Change preposition
on
Secondly
, the increased usage of digital communication can lead us to social isolation. However
, many people argue about the value of having a good conversation face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
face
and Change preposition
in person
person
Replace the word
personal
meetings
. I believe, that society has to Fix the agreement mistake
meeting
incentive
Correct your spelling
incentivise
this
kind of aproach
between humans, friends and family. For Correct your spelling
approach
intance
, a study from Colorado Correct your spelling
instance
university
declares that the real Capitalize word
University
conection
generates Correct your spelling
connection
seronotine
in our body, developing a good Correct your spelling
serotonin
inmune
system and Correct your spelling
immune
help
us to reduce depression.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
helping
altohugh
the increasing demand Correct your spelling
although
of
Change preposition
for
technolgy
in our world, humans need to be aware Correct your spelling
technology
about
the fact that a Change the preposition
of
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
face
conversation help
us to increase our Change the verb form
helps
well being
as a species.Add a hyphen
well-being
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grammar
Pay more attention to grammatical accuracy and spelling. There are some spelling and grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as 'axplain' instead of 'explain,' 'expends' instead of 'spends,' 'instantanious' instead of 'instantaneous,' 'inmune' instead of 'immune,' and 'seronotine' instead of 'serotonin'.
style
Try to avoid repetitive phrases and words. For instance, instead of saying 'face to face' multiple times, alternate with synonyms such as 'person-to-person' or 'direct interaction.'
content development
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well-supported with relevant examples. While the paragraphs generally support the topic, they could benefit from more specific examples or data to strengthen the arguments made.
task achievement
The essay successfully addresses the prompt and offers a clear opinion on the topic.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are both well-written, giving the essay a clear framework.
content development
The essay makes a good attempt to support the main points with examples, which improves its overall effectiveness.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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