Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development.

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

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Technology become a basic need for human daily activity from

Correct your spelling

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early stage of human being. I strongly agree that using

smartphones

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for hours of our daily life could

give

Verb problem

have

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some negative impact, especially for

children

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. A smartphone is one kind of

gadgets

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gadget

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, which can help

children

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to gain information in one place and at one time.

Firstly

Linking Words

Children

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are people who are highly curious about their world. They intended to explore their world, which

smartphones

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provided to make

children

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afford various content,

such

Linking Words

as education and entertainment with enjoyable methods for them to absorb. It facilitated them to create their knowledge and creativity.

Secondly

Linking Words

children

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find it easier to connect with their relatives, which can help them avoid criminal issues, especially when they do their daily activities outside relatives-eyes,

such

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Remove the comma

apply

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school and leisure time with friends.

Smartphones

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ensure they

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apply

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gain full protection and save.

On the other hand

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, using

smartphones

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can provide many distractions and maladaptation to the real world.

Firstly

Linking Words

children

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who spend their whole day

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their

smartphone

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smartphones

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than

their

Change the word

the

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real-world

Correct your spelling

real world

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can delay their lifespan development, which is their social skill.

Children

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intended to

Verb problem

have

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speech

delay

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delays

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

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because they just

get

Verb problem

apply

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lack

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apply

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real conversation with their relatives.

Secondly

Linking Words

children

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who consume a smartphone intensely can fail to reduce the content. Once

children

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can’t choose content wisely,

then

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they

possible

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are likely

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modelling

Wrong verb form

model

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the information, which

probably

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is probably

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not for their ages. In conclusion,

children

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who use

smartphones

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for hours every day can

give

Verb problem

have

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negative

Correct article usage

a negative

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impact

for

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their development throughout their lifespan.

Submitted by alifahmad1799 on Sat Sep 07 2024

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task achievement

The task response addresses the prompt but could be further developed. Aim to provide a more balanced discussion with thorough explanations for why children spend hours on smartphones.

task achievement

Clarify your points and ensure each argument is adequately supported. Providing specific examples or studies would enhance the strength of your arguments.

coherence cohesion

While there is a clear structure, the essay could benefit from smoother transitions between points. Ensure each paragraph flows logically into the next to enhance readability.

coherence cohesion

Check for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure to increase clarity. Some sentences are confusing and could be rephrased for better understanding.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion which frame the essay well.

task achievement

The essay covers multiple aspects of the issue, both positive and negative effects of smartphone use by children.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

254 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Hope you are doing well.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people believe that the experiences children have before they go to school will have the greatest effect on their future lives. Others argue that experiences gained when they are teenagers have a bigger influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.

You have lost an item of value on a train. Write a letter to the railway company. In your letter Describe the item Explain where and when you left it Say what action you would like the company to take Write at least 150 words.