Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development.

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

Technology become a basic need for human daily activity from

Correct your spelling

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early stage of human being. I strongly agree that using

smartphones

for hours of our daily life could

give

Verb problem

have

show examples

some negative impact, especially for

children

. A smartphone is one kind of

gadgets

Fix the agreement mistake

gadget

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, which can help

children

to gain information in one place and at one time.

Firstly

Children

are people who are highly curious about their world. They intended to explore their world, which

smartphones

provided to make

children

afford various content,

such

as education and entertainment with enjoyable methods for them to absorb. It facilitated them to create their knowledge and creativity.

Secondly

children

find it easier to connect with their relatives, which can help them avoid criminal issues, especially when they do their daily activities outside relatives-eyes,

such

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apply

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school and leisure time with friends.

Smartphones

ensure they

Fix the infinitive

apply

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gain full protection and save.

On the other hand

, using

smartphones

can provide many distractions and maladaptation to the real world.

Firstly

children

who spend their whole day

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their

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

than

their

Change the word

the

show examples

real-world

Correct your spelling

real world

show examples

can delay their lifespan development, which is their social skill.

Children

intended to

Verb problem

have

show examples

speech

delay

Fix the agreement mistake

delays

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because they just

get

Verb problem

apply

show examples

lack

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apply

show examples

real conversation with their relatives.

Secondly

children

who consume a smartphone intensely can fail to reduce the content. Once

children

can’t choose content wisely,

then

they

possible

Replace the word

are likely

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modelling

Wrong verb form

model

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the information, which

probably

Add a missing verb

is probably

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not for their ages. In conclusion,

children

who use

smartphones

for hours every day can

give

Verb problem

have

show examples

negative

Correct article usage

a negative

show examples

impact

for

Change preposition

show examples

their development throughout their lifespan.

Submitted by alifahmad1799 on Sat Sep 07 2024

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task achievement

The task response addresses the prompt but could be further developed. Aim to provide a more balanced discussion with thorough explanations for why children spend hours on smartphones.

task achievement

Clarify your points and ensure each argument is adequately supported. Providing specific examples or studies would enhance the strength of your arguments.

coherence cohesion

While there is a clear structure, the essay could benefit from smoother transitions between points. Ensure each paragraph flows logically into the next to enhance readability.

coherence cohesion

Check for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure to increase clarity. Some sentences are confusing and could be rephrased for better understanding.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion which frame the essay well.

task achievement

The essay covers multiple aspects of the issue, both positive and negative effects of smartphone use by children.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

254 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries, people are purchasing fewer new items and more second-hand goods. What are the reasons for this? Is this positive or negative trend?

Write about the following topic. The internet has greatly increased our access to information. To what extent do you think this is a good thing? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Developing countries require help offered by international organization to ensure healthy and sustainable development. Some people think that financial aids is important. Other believe that practical aid and advice is more important. Discuss both these views and give youw own opinion.

Caring for children is very important for our society. Therefore all mother's and father's should take a child care training course. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that the only important thing in life is his or her work. Without a successful career, life is meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?