IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

The graph below shops the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018

#shops #country
he
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
 line graph below illustrates the
amount
 of new and old, which are opened and closed respectively, with the range 2011 and 2018.
Overall
, the
amount
 of
market
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
closures was a leader every year, except in 2011. The number of opening
shops
 fell dramatically from 2011 to 2012 and started to increase until 2014, with 4000
market
.
While
 the other figure decreased slightly and it is number was bigger than
openings
Correct article usage
the openings
show examples
 stores approximately for 2000
market
.
Furthermore
,
this
 index fluctuated from 2012 to 2014 with between 6000 and 7000
amount
 of
storess
Correct your spelling
stress
storeys
stores
 and decreased dramatically until 2015 and had less than 1000
shops
.
Openings
Fix the agreement mistake
Opening
show examples
shops
 had the same
numeral
Replace the word
number
show examples
 of
shops
 in 2012 and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2015, between
this
 year it fluctuated from a range of 4000 and slightly more than 6000
this
 figure did not rise or down between 2015 and 2016, but fell to 3000
shops
 in 2018.
While
,
amount
 of closures
shops
 rose dramatically until 2016 and had 5000
Change to a plural noun
markets
show examples
market
 in 3 years, more precisely in 2016, 2017 and 2018.
Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction clearly states what the graph represents. For instance, mention if the numbers are in thousands, and give a concise overview of the timeframe being considered.
logical structure
Maintain a clear and logical structure throughout the essay. Each paragraph should have a clear focus with correct linking words to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to another.
supported main points
Ensure that all points mentioned are clearly supported and explained. This can include mentioning specific years to clarify the points being made.
clear comprehensive ideas
Avoid contradictions. Ensure that every statement aligns cohesively with the data represented in the graph, avoiding vague language like 'fluctuated' without giving clear examples.
complete response
The essay attempts to cover all the necessary details from the graph.
supported main points
Use of multiple comparison phrases (e.g., 'fell dramatically', 'increased until', 'slightly more than') shows a good attempt to describe the trends visible in the graph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • decline
  • surge
  • stabilize
  • correlation
  • economic conditions
  • consumer behavior
  • technological advancements
  • urban development
  • employment
  • retail sector
What to do next:
Look at other essays: